These voices would constantly tell me throughout my whole life to hurt myself and hurt other people.

I became an absolute animal. My anger just consumed me. I told myself long ago, if I reach around 40 and nothing changes, I’m just, you know, I’m going to take myself out.

I’m going to go out on my own terms. Of course, an image of a knife flashed in my head.

I think to myself, take it out, push it in, go to the left. Done.

So, let’s do this. I’m hyping myself up now. I open the drawer and I put my hand at the top of the drawer and I hear pray to me and I freeze and I look up.

Before I can even say what this image of a book appears in my head and the cover opens and the pages fly by and it costs and I said I know that book.

Welcome to God’s Voice. Today I am Vladimir Pragnski and I want to tell you about something unexpected that happened recently out of the blue.

A man named Sam reached out to me. He told me he was less than a year into his walk with the Lord.

He was a brand new Christian, but the things he said Jesus had already done in his life were remarkable.

We started recording thinking it would be just one conversation. Instead, it turned into almost 10 hours of talking and we’re still not finished.

We’re planning on recording part four next week, but this is part one of the series.

This first part is over 3 hours long. What starts as a simple story about meeting Jesus slowly becomes something much bigger.

As series go on, Jesus begins to speak to Sam in ways that are clear, serious, and hard to ignore.

And what Jesus says later is the reason this story could not be shared all at once.

So this is part one. Let’s begin. Sam, you had demons tormenting you since childhood until Jesus stepped in and freed you in a way that changed everything.

So Sam, tell me more. What happened? All right. So, recently I’ve been having a lot of changes in my life.

Um, I’ve come to realize God exists. There’s definitely a war for our souls and this world isn’t what it seems.

So, I want to start off by saying um this whole thing is off the top of my head.

Um he told me to say it from the heart and when the time comes that he’ll help me to remember uh anything I need.

Um the first part um which I’m going to call backstory is going to be pretty long.

I need to go into detail cuz I need you to understand where I came from so you know what he pulled me up from.

And lastly, I’m not the best stalker, but I made a promise to him, so I’m hoping to keep it.

So, let me get into it. Now, this is going to be a quick backstory about my family.

I come from a family of two younger brothers, one older sister, uh mom and dad.

Now, when it comes to my dad, he didn’t really uh interact with me much.

She didn’t really teach me anything. He didn’t really um it wasn’t really there. When it came to my mom though, I love my mom.

She was Christian. She baptized us. She prayed. She went to church and she tried to walk in, you know, all the ways that righteous and just to him.

Um, if if you came to her and you said, you know, you didn’t have money for your kids, for school, supplies, anything, she’d take her paycheck and take you, go shopping, stock your house, everything.

That’s the type of person she was. And, you know, everyone wants to say good things about their parents, but if you brought her up um to someone that knew her, they immediately remember that’s the type of person she was.

She was a she was a Christian and a good person even when no one was looking.

So one of the constants in my life with my parents was um they worked a lot 16 hours every day, two jobs.

And if they weren’t working, they were sleeping. So I saw them doing either one or the other.

Sleep, work. If they’re not working, they’re sleeping. Um, sadly another constant with my parents was fighting.

Um, my dad uh had a cheating problem and my mom called him out on it constantly.

So, accusations led to situations which led to altercations. So, that’s just a quick uh backstory on me and my family.

So, let me get into me now. Um, my name is Samuel. Until about the age of 9 or 10, I was a normal kid.

Um, I played with other kids on the block, rode bikes, went outside, snowball fights, tag, played till the yellow street lights came on, watching fireflies at night.

When I got to around age 9 or 10, I got hit with very, very bad anxiety and depression.

And I watch a lot of videos um on your channel, dog, and other people’s channel.

And you know, I’m not trying to belittle anyone’s experience or make it a competition, but I hear, you know, I have anxiety, depression, and then they’ll say, you know, I was at an outing, I was at a restaurant, I was on a boat, a plane, you know, family, kids, uh, wife, husband, and I never quite saw the type of anxiety and depression that I had.

So, let me explain. My depression was so bad for most of my life that if I’m talking to you, I could probably say maybe one or two words and then my whole mind would just blank.

I wouldn’t be able to draw out anything. My depression was so bad, I would spend a majority of my time uh laying in my bed staring at the ceiling like no wants or needs.

I was just completely drained all the time. My depression was so bad that I would Thank you, Jesus.

If you were talking to me and it was taking too long, as soon as I uh finished, I would just feel like I wanted to drop down.

I was just completely out of energy all the time, sad all the time, no wants or needs.

My anxiety was really bad. Um to [snorts] the point where if I’m talking to you, it looks like I’m trying to run away, but I’m also trying to come back.

It’s like my body was giving off mixed signals, and I can never understand why.

If you were talking to me, I would be shaking as if you’re like about to hit me or something, even though you’re barely doing anything.

Anxiety was so bad that um I had routines I would have and if anything popped up out of those routines it would put me into a straight like panic attack.

I I just couldn’t function just really bad my whole life. Um that’s the type of anxiety and depression I have and it never really allowed me to have like any situations like what I was hearing.

Um the main thing though which I want to get to on top of those two things was um these voices I would hear.

The two main things these voices would constantly tell me throughout my whole life was to hurt myself and hurt other people every single day.

And I never told anyone. These voices would let me go into detail. The first one would be would mainly telling me to kill myself over and over.

And as my life progressed, it would evolve from like short sentences to whole sentences to whole monologues.

And I’ll hopefully I don’t uh forget to add on what they’re saying during each part I get to.

The second thing they would do is tell me um to hurt other people. So, let me give you some examples.

I’m sitting at a desk. There’s a pen on the desk. Hey, stab that guy in the eye with it.

And I’d be like, I’m not doing that. Right. The second thing they would be like is, you know, take a knife before you go to school.

Swing it around. See what happens. And I’d be like, I’m not doing that. No.

Kick that kid down the steps. They’ll make you look cool. And I just walk by and not do it.

I don’t enjoy inflicting pain on people. I don’t enjoy pain. So, I would ignore them every time they would tell me to do something like that.

But the main thing about it is they talk as if they’re in your voice.

And you don’t realize this until later when I got delivered. I didn’t realize this when my head my right now my head is so clear and I didn’t realize this is how it’s supposed to be.

But when I was going through it, they would talk in your voice. So during the story, I’m going to talk as if they’re talking to me, but try to understand they’re talking as if they are.

So um thank you Jesus over and over and over just constantly just horrible things other people to myself.

So let me get into the story now. Elementary school like a repeat record. Um alone during class, um alone during recess, alone in the lunchroom, um teachers coming up to me constantly, hey, you want to play with those other kids?

And I’ll be like, no, I’m fine. Thank you. And I understand. Um here comes a kid.

He walks up to you. He’s looking down. He doesn’t talk. He doesn’t play ball.

He has a sad face on all the time. And he just stares off in the distance half the time.

I wouldn’t hang around him either. Over and over and over constantly throughout uh elementary school.

I would try to make friends and it never happened. It’s It’s like it was either the depression that kicked in and they wouldn’t want to bother or it would be the anxiety would kick in and they wouldn’t want to bother.

They get weirded out. Or it would be these voices that would beat me down before I would even attempt.

So, I just wouldn’t even try. You know, he doesn’t talk. I don’t want to sit next to him.

He’s kind of weird. Not that guy. Over and over. Now, every year I would try, they would always take the situations, the negative ones that would happen, and kind of use it against me, like, “Oh, you know, this happened.

Um, you shouldn’t try that again. You should just stay by yourself.” What I feel like they were trying to do was isolate me, which is why they would try to beat me down every time.

Like, if I interact with someone and I’m like, “It doesn’t work out.” They’d be like, “You know, that was always going to happen.

You shouldn’t do that again. You should just stay by yourself. You should just kill yourself.

When you’re young and they tell you this stuff, you don’t really understand what they’re saying cuz you’re too young to get it.

It’s only later on in life, uh, when you get to around middle school, high school, you start to really understand what they’re trying to say.

Suicide. So, elementary school is a complete wash. Every year, no friends, by myself, and these voices.

Now, let me move on to middle school. Um, kids are pretty brutal in middle school and high school.

So, kids vocabulary is expanding. Um, hormones are flying everywhere. Girls need to be impressed.

And here comes me. Um, pretty fat, acne, no self-esteem. It’s the easy target. Bullying starts up.

I could get away with uh being kind of weird in elementary school, but middle school, no, not really.

Especially in New York. Um, one dude bullied me so much, you know, throw my backpack across the hallway, uh, push me in the lockers, talk with me during with his friends, and um, just torment me on my way uh, walking home.

I would have to find like alternate routes to go around the school to get to class to avoid him or just go to class late so I don’t have to run into him.

Um, another thing that usually sticks out was, you know, basketball team, walking with their girlfriends.

It’s the last year of middle school and it goes about as you expect. Um pushed into the wall, basketball’s being thrown in my head.

Uh the girls fell so bad they had to step in. I just get my stuff and um go to class as if nothing happened.

I would basically hide out in the library. I never really went to the lunchroom um my whole school, the whole time in middle school.

Around this time, um, my parents fighting really kicked up. Um, and I got addicted to porn.

I don’t know if it’s the same as it is, uh, back then. Um, when you had television, which is like dinosaur tech today when I think of it, um, you could buy these paid channels, which were like, uh, paid movie channels, and around 2:00 a.m.

They would straight up show like softcore porn, like at a certain time, but it’s porn.

And, you know, my parents are knocked out. It’s just me by myself. Um, for a brief period, I didn’t have to be me.

And here come these girls on the screen that, you know, are looking at me in a way I wish someone else would.

I was addicted ever since from that point. So, middle school, bullying, parents fighting, no self-esteem, and addicted to porn.

Doesn’t sound like a good mix, right? High school. Now, um I think to myself, I’m going to try a little bit different, you know?

I’mma change. I’m going to talk a little bit different. I’m going to dress a little bit different.

And no, it doesn’t work out. Um I got jumped by these guys and they beat me so bad that I got knocked unconscious and security guard had to drag me to the nurse’s office.

So from that experience that kind of uh pulled me back in the in my old like I just I was like nah I started doing the same things I did.

Um the first year of high school was a complete wash. It’s just didn’t work out.

Um let me see the second year of high school. I’m walking through the hallways and I run into these two guys that I would talk to in middle school every now and then, but I didn’t really know their name, right?

I would talk to them about video games and [clears throat] um that’s how I kind of somewhat related to people for a little bit.

I saw them in high school one day and they were talking to two other dudes and they called me over.

So I walked over and they started talking about some game. I think it was Resident Evil 2.

Um and I was they were like, “Yo, you remember this part? You know, we talked to you in this and we talked to you back then about it.”

And I said, “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” And we’re talking and we’re talking and talking and we head to class after.

I’m like, you know, that was pretty different than what I’m usually used to. So, over the course of a few months, I would have a few more interactions like that till the point where they would like come to me to talk to and come to the library to talk to me.

Um, these voices didn’t like that. Um, while it was happening, they were telling me, “Oh, you know, it’s going to turn out just the same way.

Same things are going to happen. You should just save yourself the trouble. Don’t bother with it.

Don’t talk to them. It I really do feel like they’re trying to isolate me, which is why they kept doing that.

Don’t talk to them. Don’t do this. It’s going to turn out the same way.

They’re going to abandon you like usual.” But I ignored them cuz for the first time, I’m like, I think I have friends.

I think I I think people want to hang out with me. They they would introduce me to skipping school.

We would start to hang out from that moment on. From from that moment, second year of high school till the end of high school, I put my friends like on a pedestal.

They would introduce me to skipping school. And if I was the student at the start, I was like the master of it by the end.

So, what would we do? We would go to each other’s houses, hang out, smoke, drink, play video games, Call of Duty, Halo, all of that.

Sometimes they bring girls, you know, the girls would be like, “Oh, he don’t really talk.

You know, what’s wrong with him?” And they’d be like, “Nah, he’s cool. They cover for me.”

Um, if it was the weekend, they’d show up at my house. You know, we head into the city.

You want to come? I’d be like, “Yeah, whatever I was doing, I would just drop and run out the house.”

We roam around the city. I didn’t really talk much when I was with them, but they didn’t seem to mind.

And I don’t think they understood how much that meant to me uh just to hang around them.

So, you know, I figured it never ends. You know, me and my friends, we chill forever, right?

When it’d reach around the last year of high school, um we’d start to drift apart.

They would get cars, you know, people didn’t really hang out with each other. Some people graduated and once again, I find myself alone by myself again.

You know, people are pairing up. Uh, boyfriend, girlfriend, um, joining the workforce, uh, joining the military, going to college, and Sam’s by himself.

He didn’t really, I didn’t really have any desires or wants. I didn’t really think of the future.

I just thought of now, like hanging out with my friends now. But now, these people that I threw my everything into, they’re gone.

I’m by myself again. My parents at this time had initiated divorce. Um, my mom found my dad in a car with another woman in a car that she took out in her name and she would um she said she got so angry that she tried to run him off the road and police got involved.

And when she started like telling him uh what happened and how she has three kids at home and he he’s out here, the police felt so bad that um they told him he had to come out the car and give her the car back cuz it is in her name.

They divorce. So my dad’s gone now and you know I’m thinking to myself, who really cares though?

He wasn’t really there, right? So, my friends are gone. My dad’s gone. Uh, my sister, um, she’s at college, so I can’t talk to her either.

My little brothers are too young. I’m by myself. Um, these voices kick back up.

They were always there, but I ignored them cuz I had something else to focus on.

But now I don’t I don’t have anything. And they they don’t waste any time.

They remind you me, [clears throat] you know, this was always going to happen. You’re meant to be alone.

You’re just weird. You should have just killed yourself over and over and over. [snorts] Thank you, Jesus.

So, one day I’m walking. I’m usually with a group of people. My friends are usually here.

We usually head to the arcade. Sometimes it’s just me now. Every now and then someone would want to hang out with me, but it’s not the same like it was before.

I’m walking around and I spot police by the side of my eye and I’m like, “Ah.”

I try to get away. I try to turn between some uh streets to avoid them.

They circle around and come from the front and pull up and they go, “Aren’t you supposed to be in school?”

Now, when it comes to situations like this, my friends usually handle it, but now it’s just me.

Anxiety depression kicks in. I don’t know what to say. I just blank. He’s like, “All right, get in the car.”

He takes me back to the school and the principal is looking at me confused cuz just like she’s never seen me before.

She looks at my record and she gasps, calls my mom in, and my mom shows up now.

She’s coming from her 16-hour job to see what’s up with her son at school.

And the principal lets her know like I’m I’m the master of cutting, which is where I got the name for it before.

She said, “Your son has basically cut a majority of his school life. Like he’s he’s flunked out of high school and it’s like not fixable.”

So, [snorts] you know, you might be wondering like how she didn’t know if I got any bad report cards.

I just threw them away. If I had any concerning letters, I just threw them away.

I’d show her like a report card every now and then and she’d just, you know, think I’m doing okay.

My sister went through high school and they didn’t have to breathe down her neck, so they were expecting more of the same from me, I believe.

So, oh man, she screams, starts crying, and you know, basically they said he can’t it can’t be fixed.

I’m riding home with her and I’m waiting for her to hit me, say something.

And when we pull up, she says, “I’m not even angry. I’m just disappointed in you.

And that just broke me. That just started crying right there. I don’t even know why.

I would have rather hit me than said that. So from that point on, my friends would stop by every now and then.

Not as much. One, two people. But sooner or later, I didn’t even get that.

It was just me again by myself. I shrked away from the world. I didn’t want to interact with it no more.

Um, from about 18 to 24, I would sit in my room every day and do nothing.

Me and these voices every day. Let’s see. I would wake up, surf the internet, play video games, watch porn, go to sleep every day.

Wake up, internet, video games, porn, sleep. Wake up, internet, video games, porn, sleep. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, didn’t matter.

Spring, summer, fall, winter, who cares? It just all blended together. The four walls of my room became like my world.

Video games became my friends. Porn became my girlfriend. And the internet was like the computer was like my god.

I didn’t care about anything else. You know, I I have a roof over my head.

I have food, heat. Why would I need to improve? Um, I’m going to need to improve.

So, my mom didn’t know how to deal with this. Um, she comes from real third world uh country poverty like leaky roose.

You know, her dinner was the same soup she’s been eating the last four days, like with potatoes and carrots.

She She doesn’t know anything about anxiety, depression, and stuff. And people like me from where she comes from are probably dead.

They probably don’t exist. She doesn’t know how to handle it, but she’s trying, you know, like, “Hey, Sam, I’m going shopping.

You want to come help me with the groceries?” Nah, you ask my brothers, “Hey Sam, um, my friend’s daughter got a job at this place.

Here’s an application. Fill it out and you know, maybe you can get a job.”

And I’d be like, “All right.” I never fill it out. Hey, Sam. I’m going to um I’m going to church.

You want to come next time? I never go with her. Hey, Sam. I’m just I’m just walking around the block.

You want to come with me? I’m busy. Busy with what? From this person until I’ve described to you up to this point.

Do you think they deserve to be saved? So, one day, as I’m doing this death spiral routine every day, which I call it, it’s just there’s no end to it.

There’s no point to it. My sister bust in my room one day and she says, “Mom, dropped down in the kitchen.

Something’s wrong with her.” And I freeze cuz I’m wondering if she’s messing with me.

And she screams my name. She goes, “Sam.” And I jump up out my bed and I run downstairs.

My mom’s on the floor. She’s out of it. She doesn’t know where she is.

Um, over the course of me sitting home, you know, being a bum, my mom had gotten really sick.

She worked 16 hours every day. That does something to you after a while. She got lupus out of nowhere.

It’s not even in our family history. It just popped up out of nowhere. She could barely walk at this point.

Yeah. So, my sister calls the ambulance. They come and uh take her out in the stretcher and she tells me I have to watch my little brothers while she goes with them.

And I’m sitting there worried for the first time for someone else besides me. And my sister comes back and says the next day, they left that night and they she came back the next day at night.

And she says she’s in a coma because they couldn’t stabilize her. Now my mom had money saved up, so automatically stuff was taken out, so we had lights on for a bit.

You know, my sister would use her money to get buy food, but when it comes to someone in a coma and stuff, it’s hard to get control like of their funds.

It’s it’s it’s a weird uh gray area and anyone that goes through it, it sucks.

I know how it feels. So, we’re good for a bit. But one day, my sister comes to me like a month later and she comes with two papers, right?

Two papers. They’re resumes and it’s for a state job. She says uh one of her co-workers works there and they’re hiring soon.

Now, this state job, they don’t really hire on message boards or anything like that.

You they only hire uh inside from like family members and friends. And she comes with two papers and she says, “I’m going to fill out one and I’m going to fill one out for you.”

And the person I just described to you, my social skills had plummeted at that point.

I could barely talk to someone for more than a few seconds. Now I have to go out there and try to get a state job.

How do you think that turns out? Right. So she fills out the paper and when it comes to a state job, it takes a few months for them to get back to you.

So two months later, we get uh an interview date. Both of us surprisingly. She goes, “Listen, Sam, your mom is sick and I need help with your brothers.

You have to be a man. See if you can get this job.” And I love my sister.

My sister’s strong. Um, she helped me get my GED and my license during that time I was sitting home.

And you know, it’s these are things she didn’t have to do, but she did it anyway.

And I I talk to a lot of people sometimes and I hear they don’t even talk to their family, which is insane to me because I love my family.

But in case she sees this video later, I’m going to stop now so she don’t get a big head.

Um, [clears throat] we for the first time in years of me sitting home, I have to get a haircut, put on a nice shirt, you know, just basic grooming I should be doing anyway, take a shower, and go out there and get a stay job.

We roll up to the place and there is 40 people there. It was so much people they had to split it into two groups.

Now, this is the part of the story where stuff is going to start not to make sense.

And it’s going to ramp up throughout the story. It’s going to keep ramping up until you’re like, “What is going on?”

Me and my sister, they split up both groups into two groups. My sister gets put in in another group.

And I go, “Oh no, I’m by myself.” I start getting nervous that anxiety is kicking up.

These voices telling me, “You’re going to mess up. You’re going to fail.” I’m in this line now and we’re filling out uh um you know, like introductory forms and stuff and all types of paperwork.

And the people are looking at me like, “How did this guy get here?” Like, he could barely talk.

And here’s where it’s going to start to get weird. I had to put my social on the paper.

I didn’t know it. This lady comes up to me and she’s like, “Uh, you forgot your social.”

And I I just told her plainly, “I don’t know it.” She goes, “You don’t know your social.”

I said, “No.” For some reason, her manager, her boss, was not there that day.

What a coincidence. She goes in his room in his file cabinet and takes out, for no reason, I don’t know why she would do this for me, cuz it would get her in trouble.

She goes in his room, takes out one of my old uh the old resume I sent in a while ago.

Takes it back and go, “Is this it?” And I’m like, “Yeah.” She’s like, “Okay, I’m gonna give it to you.

You put it. You got to know your social, dude. Like, come on.” I said, “Okay, cool.”

I said, “Thank you.” She said, “All right, no problem.” That’s one thing, right? Now, for some reason, they do the the uh uh what do you call it?

Like where they talk to you. They do that interview first before they do like uh the testing.

Um this was a nursing home field before they do like um the multiple choice and written tests.

So I’m in line now waiting and everyone’s going in this room. There’s two interviewers and they’re talking to them and stuff, right?

The person I just described to you, would I know something about the nursing home field?

This How do you guys think this is going to turn out? Right. Not good.

I’m waiting in line now. And up there at the front, there’s like six people ahead of me.

You could hear them calling uh the next person in. And I am shaking as if I’m in like the North Pole.

I am nervous. And this one thought came to my head that my mom is sick and I need to do what I have to do.

And I remembered my mom and I started to remember she prayed to do a lot.

She talked to Dada a lot. So while I’m waiting in line, I said, “God, if you help me get this job, I will try again in life.

I’ll use this as a stepping stone to move forward. I’ll stop being this person you see.”

I said, “I’m sorry. If you help me, I’ll be there for my mom.” I said, “I’ll take her on all the appointments she needs.

I’ll push her in her wheelchair as much as she needs. I’ll do everything to be pleasing to you.

Right? And I started hyping myself up thinking like, you know, I’m going to get money and I’m going to use this to buy a house for her with wheelchair access.

I’m going to push her everywhere she needs to go. I’m going to take her to all her appointments.

So yeah, Samuel, you could come in. I walk into that room. I turn into a different person.

They’re talking to me and I am answering them with confidence. They’re talking to me about certain stuff in this field that I shouldn’t know and I’m giving the correct answers.

This doesn’t make sense. They’re shaking their heads at each other like it’s pretty good.

This doesn’t make any sense. I walk out the room. They send me to another room which is where people pass and um to wait to go to the next part and then other people who don’t make it, they’ll, you know, will get back to you and they leave.

I pass. This doesn’t make sense. I don’t know anything about nursing home field. All I know is room and food.

Just doesn’t make any sense. I go to the next part which would be the written multiple choice part and it’s asking me all types of stuff about deescalation and you know uh solid and whole foods and stuff like that puree all of that.

I have no idea about this stuff. I’ve never had a job. When I’m looking at the paper it’s like it’s Korean and Chinese.

I’m I’m panicking completely. I just start putting different stuff almost as if my hand is being guided.

I’m I I give him the test. He takes it back. They’re grading it. I’m like, “Ah, I messed up.

It’s over.” I get the test back. It’s 96. This does not make any sense.

And I think to myself, maybe you don’t, you know, you when you’re when you’re when you’re of the world, you try to explain things in of the world terms.

I’m thinking this is just luck. I you know, when I think of it, it’s really dumb.

How would I luck till 96, but that’s what I’m thinking. I’m like, it’s luck.

He the guy who gives me the paper, I’m completely out of words what I’m looking at here.

It just makes no sense. Both of these situations make no sense. Including the woman who just helped me for no reason.

He goes up to the front of the class and he goes, “You know, there’s so many people here.

We’re only taking like the hundreds because it’s a lot.” I said, “Wow, well, you know, I missed it by a bunch.”

Everyone leaves the room, of course. I’m waiting for them to leave. He walks over to my desk, looks at me, and goes, “I’m gonna let you take it again.”

So, I turn to him and I go, “Really?” And he’s like, “Yeah, we have another date set next week.

I’m going to let you come again. This doesn’t make any sense. Why is he doing this?

I still don’t have an answer tip for this today.” Next week, I come. I show up.

I’m talking to this lady and I’m telling her about, you know, this guy said I could come take it again.

And she looks confused. And I tell her the guy’s name and apparently he went on vacation the day before.

This doesn’t make any sense. She goes, “Oh, well, you know, I’ll let you take it if you say you so.”

She She remembers he left a note for someone who was coming, so it must have been me.

I go in the room. I take the test. Once again, I’m not I don’t know what’s uh on the paper.

My sister, when I had uh taken it the first time, she was confused. She’s like, “You got a 96.”

Cuz she didn’t realize how hard it would be. And she would explain to me what I got wrong.

And she was like, “That’s good though. And he let you take it again. That’s strange.

They don’t usually let you do that.” I’m here for the second time now. I take it again.

I’m just writing whatever. But they grade it. It’s 100. This doesn’t make any sense.

They give me the paperback. They sign me in. And they made me sign a bunch of paperwork.

I’m hired in the state. Now, the person I just explained to you throughout my whole life, somehow has a state job and passed it with 100, passed the the uh the vocal interview.

This doesn’t make any sense. None of it is making any sense at this point.

I start my training and within a month I’m in a house. My mom wakes up from a coma.

We tell her we both have state jobs. And she looks at me and she goes, “I’m so proud of you.”

The first time I feel like I did something good. Now it’s just not going to make any sense from this point.

I enter the job. There’s these two people that for some reason as soon as I stepped foot in that house, they were looking out for me for no reason.

They were both Christian. What a coincidence. Um, one was an older dude. He had a whole family.

He knew the job inside out. And one was an older woman who was just extremely beautiful to me.

She was one of those older women who carry themselves well and she just talked well.

I just always enjoyed being around her cuz she talked a lot and I don’t talk so it was perfect.

They would look out for me, you know, you messed up here, you did this wrong, this needs to be fixed for no reason.

New people would come into that place all the time and they never looked out for them as much as they did me.

Almost as if they’re being told by someone to do this. Um, over the course of about 10 months, I learned the job.

Um, I also learned who to stay away from. Um, there’s this guy who I always try to avoid.

Um, his his mom worked in the field. She was a big person or something.

So, he’s one of those guys who thought like he could do whatever and get away with it and he’d say whatever to people.

So, I avoided him. And um one day around Christmas time um the two people who usually look out for me, they called out my manager that’s usually supposed to be there, she calls out.

So now I am checking the schedule to see who I’m working with. It’s the guy I have a problem with all the time.

Also, there’s this new uh person that we take care of. This individual and he’s pretty young um for the house we’re at but he was in the process of being moved but he always gave the workers a hard time so I tried to you know minimize as much time around him as possible around Christmas like I said everyone called out I’m working with this guy that I have a problem with um a majority of the people that we would take care would go home with their families around this time besides a few who didn’t really have anything and they would stay with us and um the guy who the new guy at the house who would cause a lot of problems the individual who took care was one of the ones that were left so this is not looking good automatically I tried to keep my head down um uh these last 10 months I try to just do my job you know people would be like you know he doesn’t talk you know he kind of just does his job common leaves and I try my best to just not draw too much attention to myself.

Now Christmas time comes. It looks like every single bad thing that I try to stay away from is all in one is going to be all on one day.

I’m on med two that day. So I can’t avoid uh the guy who gives the workers a heart problem.

I save him for last. I go up to the med and I’m giving out the meds and I get to him.

I go in his room and I said, you know, I’m here to deliver your meds.

He says he doesn’t want it. When someone doesn’t take their meds, you have to write up a whole report.

You got to let the nurse know. We got to call the family, see if they can convince him, the manager, etc.

It’s a lot. I just wanted to give him his meds. It’s almost Christmas. I just want to get out of there.

I said, “Dude, if you just take the meds, I’ll get out of here. He doesn’t want to take it.”

The third time now, I’m like, “If you take it, I’ll leave.” He proceeds to get up, knock the meds out my hand, and start attacking me.

So, I walk out in the hallway now and he chases me out and he starts swinging on me.

I realize now if I go to the med room and he knocks all the meds everywhere, that’s going to be even worse.

So, I lock the med and I’m like, “Listen, relax.” He’s He just won’t hear anything.

He just seems to want to fight at that point. I guess he’s angry that he’s stuck there.

He was in the process of being moved, like I said, man. He just He’s not enjoying his time there.

It turns into him chasing me around the hallways. Um, he knocks my phone. I used [clears throat] to have a little pouch in my scrubs.

He knocks the phone out of it. Goes fine. I can’t call anymore. The only thing I could think of is I have to stop him from swinging his arms at me.

So, I do a bear hug, which is just hold him in place and wait for someone to come.

So, someone must have heard the scuffle up there and I hear footsteps. I’m thinking it’s the manager that’s uh covering for my manager being out coming up.

It’s the guy who doesn’t like He walks up and he’s like, “What’s going on?”

I said, “Um, you know, he’s having an episode. Um, call the manager.” He proceeds to go downstairs and call the abuse hotline and say he’s a witness to abuse.

Now, in the state, when this happens, you’re automatically gone on uh unpaid leave. The real like police detective has to come out and investigate everyone, including uh the individual, you know, man.

Um I’m immediately on unpaid leave. They call me in to the police station like a week later.

Um they put me in this room. It’s freezing for like an hour. Where I’m standing there.

So, he comes in out the hour and he’s talking on the phone for another 15 minutes and then, you know, he reads me my rights and everything and he’s like, you know, he starts uh talking to me.

Now, the way he was talking to me, it’s like the whole investigation techniques and stuff as if I was a criminal.

I’m trying to plead with him and tell him, you know, I there’s no bruises on him.

I did nothing. I have a witness and um you know, I didn’t do anything wrong.

I’ve seen people This happened to people tons of times. So, I’m thinking, you know, I’ll just do this and I’ll get my job back.

Um he proceeds to grill me. He would switch uh tempos. You know, it’d be nice one minute, switch tempos.

He’s aggressive. One minute. I’m already not good with talking with people. I have anxiety.

It’s flaring up. He’s talking to me. He’s talking to me. Talking to me. And finally, I just snap after like 2 hours of this.

And I said, “I didn’t do anything wrong.” And I’m hitting the desk. I’m like, “I didn’t do anything wrong.

This guy who I work with, he doesn’t like me, which is why he escalated it to abuse, the abuse hotline, and this got me in trouble.

And he knows the system is abusable. That’s why he’s done this. You should be looking into him.

I just completely lose it. I catch myself because I’m not used to what he’s doing.

This is stuff they do against like criminals and I’m just someone who just wanted my job back.

He once he sees like the reaction he wanted, he goes, “Okay, that’s it. We’re done.”

Walks me out. A week later, they call me into the main office. You’re fired.

I lose my job. Now in the state [snorts] there’s a year probationary period because once you pass the year you can’t get fired.

So in between that you have to be on you know you have to dot all your eyes and everything.

You have to be on point to get fired. Like I think I was 2 months away from passing that just completely broke me.

I it broke me. Now that promise I made to God to look after my mom and be there for her from now on.

I didn’t keep it. I pushed all responsibility to visit my mom in the hospital and my sister in the state.

He works 16 hours all the time. So, I would use that as an excuse even though I should have still gone and say, “I’m tired.”

You know, this and that. And I would proceed to go back on the promise that I made him.

So, I didn’t visit my mom as much as I should. But when I got fired, I stopped visiting at all for like 4 months.

I would sit in my room and I I started to really listen to these voices at this point saying there’s something there’s something wrong with me.

No one’s no one life is this bad. No one is this much of a mess up.

I would sit in my room. I wouldn’t even eat. I wouldn’t even go on computer.

I would just sit in my room in my bed. My sister had to force me to eat, bring food in.

I was just completely utterly giving up on myself. One day she comes in and she’s she starts going off.

She’s like, “You know, you need to get up. It’s just a job. You’ll get another one.

It doesn’t matter.” And I just scream out, “All right, okay. All right.” She’s like, “I’m going to visit mom.

You need to come with me. You need to see your mom.” I said, “Okay, all right.

Okay.” I put on my clothes. We get in the car and while I’m driving there, this straight thought comes into my head.

You know, it was a Friday. On Fridays, I usually work 16 hours, so I wouldn’t even be able to see her today.

But now I can. We get to the hospital and she drops me at the front to go park the car.

I don’t even know where it is, so I have to wait for her to come in cuz I haven’t been there so long.

We get in the the elevator and we go up to the floor. As soon as we get on the floor, sorry.

As soon as we get on the floor, this woman runs up to us and she says my sister’s name and she goes, “Oh, who’s this?”

And my sister goes, “This is my brother.” And she goes, “Oh, nice to meet you.

I’ve I’ve met this nurse before. I just haven’t been there that long that they don’t remember me.

She goes, “Listen, we don’t know what happened, but suddenly your mom’s readings are like all over the place.”

They said she’s been screaming for her kids all morning, but you guys are here now, right?

So, and she’s shaking her head like, “You get you on the same page what I’m talking And we’re like, “Yeah, yeah, we’re going there right now.”

Like to calm her down. We head over there and my I turn the corner and I see my mom for like the first time in 4 months.

This feeling ashamed comes over and she’s screaming. She keeps saying something’s wrong. I don’t understand.

Something’s wrong. And I walk up to her and she puts her hand out and I just grab it by instinct and I’m holding on to it.

The shame come over me like this is my mom. What are you doing? And I grab her hand.

And um I said, “What’s wrong?” She said, “Something doesn’t feel right. I don’t feel good.

I said, “No, what are you talking about? You’re going to be fine.” There was this woman across from us where we lived.

Um, she had the same type of disease my mom had and she recovered from it.

She could she can’t move her hands too well, but she can still drive and shop.

So, I always thought to, you know, my mom’s strong. She worked so much and she’ll be fine, right?

Cuz I decide what happens. My sister puts her bag down and she’s like wetting her head cuz my mom was sweating and the pillow was soaked.

And the doctors are like, you know, where’s the readings? They’ve been doing all types of tests.

They’re changing all types of stuff. They cannot get her stable for some reason. And I’m just holding her hand.

Just I don’t know what else to do. I feel so useless. Everyone else is doing stuff, even my sister.

And I’m just standing there looking at her. She’s turning her head left and right for about 30 minutes.

She just, you could tell she was just in pain. All of a sudden, she um she stares forward and her eyes open as if she’s completely lucid, like she’s just fine.

She looks at my sister and she does this thing with her eyes like she snaps it like a snapshot.

And then she looks at me for 15 seconds straight and I hear that sound.

She turns her head up and I hear e and um I don’t know the codes in the hospital system.

I think it was cold blue, but an alarm immediately goes off and the nurses drop their clipboards on the floor and everything and jump over the nurse’s counter and run into the room.

One of the nurses was saying something to me, but I I just looked at her like a deer in the headlights.

I didn’t know what was going on. I’m looking at her and it’s like she’s speaking another language.

I I don’t understand what she’s saying. And I look back at my mom. Another guy comes in and he yinks me off of her and pushes me out cuz they have to start doing all these types of uh things to resuscitate her.

I fly back to the nurse’s desk. All right. And [snorts] doctor runs from another floor.

They were already doing it. He’s like, I’m going to take over. After a while of doing it, you hear it.

Time of death. Now, I don’t know if I’ve done a good job explaining what these things were saying to me through this whole time.

And immediately when I heard time of death, I heard laughing as if they had given up trying to pretend to be me.

And they were just laughing at this. And I didn’t even realize my sister was on my arm the whole time.

And I dropped to the floor taking her with me and I heard them and I’ll never forget it.

They said, “Why would God do this?” And I dropped to the floor and I said, “I’m so obsessed with sitting home, right, and doing nothing that I didn’t come and see my mom and now she’s gone.

And I just started crying. [snorts] So, we sit there the whole day with her and I go to my dad’s now to tell him and we call him out at 3:00 a.m.

And we say, “Dad, she’s gone.” And he goes, “What?” We say, “She’s gone. She died.”

And he goes, “What are you talking about?” And we’re like, “Dad, she died.” And he says, “No one told me anything about her.”

And now she’s dead. And he walks down the block and he starts crying. He drops on the floor.

Now these voices immediately start saying, “It’s his fault anyway. It’s his fault. What is he even crying for?”

And now I start to listen to them completely and I said, “Yeah, it’s his fault.”

I’m I’m pointing [clears throat] the finger at everyone else, but I’m not acknowledging what I did.

So I go sit in the car. I’m like, “I don’t want to hear this crap.

It’s his fault.” Right? So I go home. [clears throat] My sister takes us home.

She goes in the room. She doesn’t even say a word to me. She just drops her stuff on the floor and closes the door.

I head to my room and I stare I crawl in the bed and I stare up at the ceiling for an hour, right?

And I’m thinking to myself back to that that uh this is the reason he probably said it.

I thought back to when they said why would God do that? And I started talking to him, right?

Cuz this is that’s the only time you talk to him when you need something or when you want to be angry.

I said, “I’m not the best person and I don’t do all the right things, but I’ve been out here for a good year now and I’ve seen how people act.

They’re not even trying.” And I said, “You took my mom and they get to keep theirs.”

And I started to hit the bed and I’m like, “It’s not fair. It’s not fair.

It’s not fair. It’s not fair.” And I’m getting for the first time this new feeling I started to feel was anger come over me.

And then I said, “I hate you. Don’t do this. I said, “I hate you.

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.” And all he does is been helping me in my life.

And I’m telling him these mean things. I said, “I hate you. I hate you.

I hate you.” Then it just hit me. I said, “I’m talking to nothing. You probably don’t even exist.”

I said, “There’s Cuz none of this makes any sense. Whose life is this bad?

Who’s this much of a mess up? There’s There’s no way.” I just It’s like It’s like my life was proving to me that he doesn’t exist.

I said, “There’s no way you exist.” And I started to rationally. I was like, there’s no way my mom, as good as she was, she went to church all the time.

She prayed all the time. She read her Bible all the time. You would give you would hit her with divorce.

You would give her a son like me. There’s no way there could be a God.

Cuz this don’t make any sense to me. She should have had someone like a doctor as a son, a basketball player, how good she was.

And you gave her me. And I just started laughing. I was like, “There’s no way.

There’s no way.” From that point of me deciding there’s no God and telling him I hate him.

I got my identity stolen out of nowhere. My credit’s been shot till today. My car kept breaking down which blew up all my money.

The house I lived in since I was a kid. Apparently my mom wasn’t paying mortgage on it for years and they didn’t realize until just when she died.

What a coincidence. And it started to make sense to me. It used to be a twoerson job and now she’s by herself and then she’s on disability.

How did she pay for it? She didn’t. She just kept the food stock, kept the lights on and tried her best.

So, I’m sitting there now and I’m like, she had all this pressure on her.

Divorce, depression, worrying if her kids are going to be out on the street and her son.

Something’s wrong with him. No wonder she got sick. I got kicked out the house.

We got kicked out the house that I’ve lived in since I was a kid.

And each and everything, my job, my mom kicked out the house, car, my identity getting stolen, it was like it was confirming to me he doesn’t exist.

There’s no way. From that point on, from about 25 till last year, April, I became an absolute animal.

I hated everything. I hated everyone. My anger I’ve gotten fired from so many jobs I don’t even want to get into it because of fighting.

My anger just consumed me every day. I would take up drinking way too much.

I hated everything. I was running away from him at full speed. Um I was hoping one day I’d just get into a fight with someone.

And this is New York, so that wouldn’t even be hard. 6:00 news, person gets into a scuffle outside a convenience store, they’re dead.

That would be a true miracle. I wouldn’t have to open my eyes again and wake up.

During this period, these things, which I don’t I don’t know what to label it as, demonic attacks, I guess, would start to happen.

I would feel like bugs were uh wiggling on my face 24/7. I still have scars from me picking my face constantly.

It would feel like ants were crawling on my legs and it would feel like I would get these bug bites where no one else would get them but me all the time.

Around 2 3 4 a.m. One day, my arms and legs started to extend and retract by themselves and my body started to bounce on the bed by itself.

I never told anyone this. The first year it happened for half a year, I just cried.

I didn’t know what else to do cuz it confirmed to me something is wrong with me.

Right. For the rest of the time since that I just thousand yard steer till it was done.

There was this time where I was at a certain job and this lady would everyone would tell her to stay away from me.

I used to work out because I wanted to make sure I didn’t want to get bullied no more.

At that point I was too angry. I started working out just because I wanted to make sure never again this is going to happen.

And if I fought someone I make sure I do some damage. But everyone was scared of me.

They told her to stay away from me. And this lady at the job would ignore them and try to be nice to me.

I appreciate it. I actually wanted to talk to her. You’re supposed to fill out like um at the end of shift like a summary of what happened and any changes in the the individuals you take care of.

This lady is there’s two computers. This lady is on the right of me and I’m in the middle and we’re both filling out our forms.

I’m typing and all of a sudden my head does this and stares at her for 30 seconds and freezes and I feel like something is holding in place and I can’t turn my neck back for 30 seconds straight.

So just, you know, look at someone for 30 seconds, you’ll see how I felt.

For the first 10 seconds, she didn’t notice. For the rest of the 20 seconds, I’m just staring at her.

And she stops and sits back like this. And after 30 seconds, I turn my neck finally and I feel like I rub my neck and I’m like, “Yeah, sorry.

I slept on it wrong. I’m trying to play it off.” And she’s like, “Oh, cuz you freaked me out.”

And I’m like, “Yeah, sorry.” This would happen over and over and over. It’s like my body would move by itself.

What happened else? Um, I would these things no longer would stay in my head.

It would it was like they would take control of my mouth when I would wake up.

I’d be sleeping. I’d wake up and the only way I could describe it is it’s like you’re driving a car and someone opens your passenger door, I mean your car door, and kicks you to the passenger side and starts driving it till you could get control of it again.

I would wake up and they would my mouth would start saying nothing’s going to change.

Not today, not tomorrow, not the next day. You should have listened when we told you to kill yourself.

But you can fix it. You can do it right now and join your mom in the join your mom in the ground.

Thank you, Jesus. Let me tell you. So, I never told anyone this cuz if I tell someone this, I’d put me in a mental instit in institution.

Dude, [snorts] this happened recently. Uh, a supervisor would tell me something to go tell to a worker.

I go to the worker. I start talking to them. I could feel it. My eyes would jump in six different directions, six or seven different directions [snorts] while I’m talking to them to the point where she’d back up and be like, “Oh my god, are you okay?”

And I’d be like, “Yeah, I didn’t get any sleep last night.” But this was recently where I just I had given up on even trying to play it off at that point.

I would go outside and I would feel like people were constantly laughing or talking about me.

Let’s say I’m going to the convenience store. If I’m walking down the block, if I’m walking down the block, I would hear, “Oh my god, why would he come outside like that?

What’s wrong with him?” And I turn in that direction. No one’s saying nothing. They’re just walking.

I keep walking and they’d be like, “Should we call someone? Why would he?” And they start laughing.

Why would he come outside like that? Look at him. Holy crap. I look in that direction.

No one’s saying nothing. They’re just talking to each other, moving. But to me, I audibly heard it outside.

So I sooner or later, I just stopped going outside. I would only come outside at night.

I didn’t do anything during the day anymore. Over and over and over again. Tons of things like this would happen.

There would be the last one I’ll go into is I had this very bad laugh.

I don’t know if you guys know the Joker movie. Don’t watch the second one.

The second one sucks. But the first one is good. And he had this laugh that he couldn’t control.

I had that, but it was way worse. If I heard it would only come out when it was something really horrible.

If I heard someone go, “Oh, my mom fell down the steps, cracked her head open, you know, she’s in ER.”

I would start busting out laughing. You know, my kid woke up. There’s fluid in his lungs.

He couldn’t breathe. I would start cackling. I would have to take my phone out and play it off as if I’m looking at a video and walk off until it would stop.

I think you guys get the point. So, me and my sister, death does something to people.

Me and my sister would constantly fight all the time for no reason. And I don’t even understand why I would constantly fight her.

We could not agree on anything out of nowhere. I got along with my sister all my life and suddenly now I cannot agree with her.

It’s like we were just angry at each other constantly. After a while uh through another family member uh I was offered a place uh where I am now and my sister didn’t want to go so we split.

Not on good terms. My two little brothers decided to come with me. So I’ve been living here till that day.

Over and over and over these things would happen over the years until last year, April.

Now the story is going to kick up. I’m sorry I I had to go into detail so much.

I really need you guys to understand what was going on with me so you can see how amazing he is.

Hey, real quick before we get back, about [music] 47% of people watching my channel aren’t subscribed.

And subscribing is totally free and it helps me push these powerful [music] testimonies to even more people who need to hear them.

So, hit that subscribe button and now let’s get back to the episode. [music] So, I’m in this beautiful room.

All four walls are amber yellow. The light from outside is shining in, but it’s not too bright.

It It dilutes it enough where the room is just illuminated. It’s so pretty. The the furniture in there is high quality.

You cannot I’ve never seen anything like that on this planet. There’s It’s very homely.

There’s paintings, there’s a dresser, and there’s a very big bed. When my eyes turn to the bed now, I see someone sitting on it, and they’re looking down, and they’re smiling.

And it took me 3 seconds. And I said, “Mom.” And she starts smiling while looking down.

I said, “Mom,” I said, “Uh, is there anything I could get you?” Anything. I said, “Tell me anything and I’ll get it for you.”

And she says, “No, I’m fine. Don’t worry.” And I said, “Okay.” Then I said, “Are you hungry?

I’ll get you something to eat. Just tell me anything. Anything and I’ll get you something to eat.”

And she turns to me and looks at me, gives me this face like, “Sam, stop.

I’m fine.” She said, “Come sit down next to me.” I haven’t thought about my mom for about 10 years at this point.

I I don’t I’ve never visited her grave. I cannot I refuse to think about it because I can’t face what I’ve done.

I go up to her without hesitation and I sit down next to her and she grabs my horn and starts to lean on my shoulder for about 10 minutes.

Then she says, “Come lay down next to me.” And I lay down on the bed and she reaches around from behind and hugs me tight and even puts her her leg over mine.

It’s a full body hug. And she puts her chin on the top of my head and she just for about 10 minutes she lets go and she reaches over to her nightstand next to the bed, which I’m guessing that’s her room, and she pulls up a picture frame of my sister, me, and my two brothers in each corner.

And the dream ends. I wake up and I think about this for like half a day now.

At this point, I’m angry. I don’t I don’t care for anything. I’m angry. So, I’m not I’m not When you’re of the world, you don’t think in heavenly terms.

You think of of the world terms. So, I’m thinking I’m just I drank too much.

Maybe I need to chill with drinking. Maybe maybe it’s just my guilt. You know, it can’t be anything else.

So, I think about it for the whole day. And before I go to work, I say, “I got to stop.”

Now, when I get to a certain point, forgive me, Lord. I ask for the uh any contracts or unions the enemy tries to bring up from this to be cancelled, for I wish to only glorify you and no one else.

I’m going to curse a little bit because I need you to understand how I was.

So, forgive me if you don’t want to hear this. I said, “I have to stop uh uh pretending she’s gone.

I got to face it. I go to work. I completely just blow it off.”

That was a That was around a Wednesday or Thursday. Friday comes down. I head to work.

It’s a normal day. Nothing uh unusual happens. And I come home. And I sit on my computer and I’m just surfing the internet and I’m like, I don’t want to do this.

I load up a game and I’m playing it for a bit and I’m just like I don’t want to do this.

So after about 20 minutes, I stand up and I’m like, I should go grab another beer.

And then I’m like, “Ah, I didn’t pick I didn’t pick any up since like uh Tuesday.

I don’t have any.” So I look on my bed and I see my phone on the pillow.

Now, when it came to porn, you know, that was my weapon of choice. Phone, bed, easy.

Done. I hop on the bed. I load up those websites uh uh everyone is used to.

Um, nothing. Not feeling anything. And I just think to myself one more time. I don’t want to do this.

I throw my phone to the side of the bed and I want you guys to take a mental note of that.

I put it at the side of my bed. I get up and I stand up and I look at the ceiling and I say, “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Now, I don’t know till today if this was me or them. An image of a knife flashed in my head.

It’s a knife I keep in my drawer. It’s very sharp. If you drop it, it’ll cut you.

That’s how sharp it is. I told myself long ago when if I reach around 40 and nothing changes, I’m just, you know, I’m going to take myself out.

I’m going to I’m trying to make it seem as manly as possible. You know, go out on my own terms, of course, right?

Cuz that’s manly. And I think to myself, take it out, push it in, pull to the left.

Push it in, pull to the left. Push it in, pull to the left. Push it in, pull to the left.

Done. Done. So, I think to myself, oh, wait, hold up. Let me lock the door.

Give my brothers a normal day as much as I can. You know, it doesn’t matter.

It they’ll get over me. They’re young. I took out health insurance when I got um my first job, so they’ll get paid out, you know, and that’ll be more help to them than I’ve ever been.

So, let’s do this. So, I’m hyping myself up now and I’m like, push it in, pull to the left.

Push it in, pull to the left. Push it in, pull to the left. I’m like, “Okay, let’s do this.”

Now, once again, I’m going to start cursing. Please forgive me. I open the drawer and I put my hand at the top of the drawer and I hear pray to me and I freeze and I look up and I go what?

Before I can even say what, this image of a book appears in my head and the cover opens and the pages fly by.

And it closed and I go, “What the was that?” And I said, “I know that book.

[snorts] That’s my mom’s King James Bible book downstairs. I still have it. It’s so old.

If you lift it up, the pages will fall out.” She read it every day and [snorts] she sat it down on her favorite part.

[snorts] I said, “What the hell was that?” Right? And I start laughing because once again, when you have no reference of God or anything, you think of it as what you know of the world.

So, thank you, Jesus. I started saying, “You’re such a I said, “Of course you would think of that.

I’m trying to rationalize some self-defense mechanism. You know, raw monkeys evolution. [snorts] You know, nothing matters to Rob the fittest.

That’s the type of world I was on. I said, “You’re such a [ __ ] Of course, you’re going to run back to God.

That’s what people do when their life suck, right?” And I started laughing. I’m like, “My mom prayed to him every day and she died in a cold bed.

That’s what she got for praying. I’m such an idiot. And I start laughing. I’m like, “Okay, this the the the like the the the moment of my mom passing, I don’t know if this was me or them, plays out in my head as her dying.”

And I start laughing even more. I’m like, “That’s what she got. That’s what she got for praying.”

All of a sudden, I said, “Okay, why not?” I said, “I’m not going to be here anyway.

Screw it.” So, I close the drawer and I get on the floor like this.

Prayer is the only way I know how to pray. Edge of the bed, hands, class, head and hands.

And I start laughing because I’m like, if people saw me now, they’d be like him praying cuz I was really bad at this point.

And I’m like, why not? I’m not going to be here anyway. I start praying and I start listing off stuff.

And this is what I’m saying to him. I said, it sucks down here. I said, “This world sucks and everyone in it sucks.

I hate everyone else and I hate myself most of all. I said everything I do is wrong.

I don’t even know why you would make me. It seems more like you’re a god of torture than good as you say.

This is what this is the horrible stuff I’m saying too. I said, “You need to next time do extra passes before you make something because from what I’ve experienced, this sucks.”

And I’m just doing saying these horrible things over and over and over to her.

My god, that helps me. I’m saying this to him. And I get to a point now where I’m sitting on the floor for 5 minutes cuz I know as soon as I was waiting [snorts] even in that state I was waiting to hear something cuz I’m like I know when I get up I’m not going to be here.

So I’m sitting there for five minutes like this right? Nothing like I expected. There is no God.

I put feeling into my muscle to stand up. And all of a sudden, this the image that I got from that dream a few days ago, my mom laying on my shoulder comes into my head and I freeze and I drop back down to my knee and I said, “I’m sorry.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what I’ve said to you. I’m sorry for what I’ve done.

I’m sorry for not doing everything right. I’m sorry for not being there for her.

I’m sorry for how I talk to people. I’m sorry for this. I’m sorry for that.

I said, I’m not using my life. So, you can have it. Do whatever you want.

I don’t care. I said, I’m sorry. I said, “Please stop hurting me, though. I don’t know what I did to you.

Please, I don’t know what I did wrong. Please.” And I [snorts] said, “It hurts.

It hurts. It hurts.” I said, “Please stop. It hurts.” Now, when I said that last, it hurts.

Something bubbled up in my stomach and was pushing up as if it’s fighting and other things inside of me were pushing it down.

[snorts] It shoots up, hits my head, and I hear in a kid voice, “Dad.”

So, I said, “It hurts, Dad.” Thank you, Jesus. I am done with this backstory, guys.

I really [snorts] hate this part. I’ve practiced this for two months, and I hate telling it every time, but I need you to I need you to understand what they were doing to me and what he pulled me off.

So, [snorts] now the story is going to pick up. It’s going to be very interesting if you powered through.

Thank you, Jesus. Let’s do this. We’re going to move on into deliverance. What I call this part.

Now, I can’t stress this enough, Vlad. When I’m in this prayer stance now, and I said, “It hurts, Dad.”

That last D in dad, dad, it hurts dad. Boom. This feeling hit me. This insane feeling flowing into me.

It felt like this blanket came down and was wrapping around me. Wrapping around me, wrapping around me, wrapping.

This feeling that flew into me, it kept going up, up, up, up, up. It wouldn’t stop.

It just kept going. When I got hit by it, I shot my head up and went, “What?”

It just kept going. It kept going. It kept flowing. My back caught on fire.

And I could not explain what was happening to me in that moment. This feeling kept going up and it kept going up.

And this feeling kept wrapping around me, wrapping around me, wrapping around me. And my back would just stayed hot.

After about a minute and a half of this, I kept hearing, “I love you.

It’s okay. You’re fine. Don’t worry. I love you. Get some rest. It’s okay. You’re fine.

I’m here now. Don’t worry. I love you.” Over and over and over and over and over.

This feeling even while that I’m hearing this is going up. And it’s like it’s not stopping.

It’s going up. It’s going up. It’s going up. This blanket is wrapping around wrapping.

My back is on fire. And now I’m hearing stuff right. Let me see now after about 3 minutes.

This is my whole entire being. Nothing. Not a what? Not a what’s going on.

Just staring at my wall at my bed. Nothing. This feeling just washed over everything.

Every hangup I’ve had, every It’s like it just slammed it. And all I could focus on was that feeling.

Out of nowhere, after about four minutes, I feel something strong pick me up under my arm and yoke me up in the air, help me into bed gently.

And without me even thinking, I threw my hands down and pull the cover up.

And I’m sitting there for about 15 seconds now, nothing. Just staring at my ceiling.

I feel a tap on the top left of my forehead and I just turn off.

It was like my body when I felt that tap my body was like nope and just turned off.

Now if I had to describe that feeling if it was going up like numbers like 1 plus 1 plus 1 plus 1 whatever that tap was times it times like 20 and my body could not take it and shut off.

Um, the next day now [snorts] the next day I woke up in a way I can only describe as um, you ever watch a movie at night?

It’s a really good movie, but you know you’re tired beat out how good the movie was and you fall asleep halfway through.

[snorts] I woke up the next day and immediately I shot up sitting upright in my bed and I said, “What was that?”

I just screamed it out loud. It’s like my my conscience had come back from that moment where that feeling overrated yesterday.

I’m staring now at my bed and this same gray cover that cuz I’m cheap.

Same gray cover I’ve covered up for like four years. For some reason, the colors on it are popping.

It’s a gray cover. The colors are like deep gray. Now, I’m looking at my dresser.

The deodorant, my my uh shaver, uh Listerine, the blue green one is the best.

And my heater, the lamp, the dresser, everything is popping. The colors are popping. I stare out this the edge of my bed at my floor after looking at my bed sheets and around the room for like 10 minutes.

The floorboards are popping. They’re brown. So, I jump up out of my bed. I just throw my cover off and jump.

And I’m like, “Something’s wrong here. This doesn’t feel right. The clothes in my room in my closet are popping.

My walls, they’re white. They’re popping. My chair is red. They’re popping. When I got to my desk and I saw my RGB keyboard, that threw me for a loop.

The monitor was popping. Uh, I ran to my my clothes basket and I’m digging out the clothes and I’m looking at the colors and I’m like, everything is popping.

It’s if it’s a red, it’s a deep red. If it’s a green, it’s a deep green.

If it’s a brown, it’s a deep brown. And I’m completely confused. After about 25 minutes of looking like a psycho running around my room, I sit down at my computer and I figure, let me do, you know, what champions do on Saturdays, which is endlessly scroll scroll the internet.

So, I reach over to turn on my monitor and I hear something go, “Open the window.

Open the curtains.” And I go, “What? My hand is like midair like this. So my my curtain is right next to the monitor.

It wouldn’t take much effort to just switch it over and to the the right and open the curtains.

So for some reason I think just listen to this voice. I turn over and I open the curtains and boom, the sky doesn’t have a cloud in the sky.

It’s completely blue. I jump up out of my seat because I’ve never seen something so pretty in my life.

The person I just described to you through this whole video is now gushing over a sky.

It doesn’t make sense. I could not even describe to you the feeling I was feeling.

The blue sky was even bluer and it looked as if when I’m staring at it, something was staring back at me.

I looked at this tree that I looked at for years. It’s swaying in the wind and I am completely enamored with it.

I cannot stop looking at it. It’s swaying and I’m confused. The green on the tree is is deep green room.

There’s this abandoned house across from us. It has red tiles. The red tiles are deep red.

I jump up and I’m looking everything outside. The the grass is deep green. The fence is deep brown.

Cats. When the animals started to appear, the the cats, the birds, the bees, it was over for me.

It was like full sensory overload, right? Here’s where it’s going to get weird again.

I look around my room, everything’s popping. I look outside, everything’s popping. And I tell myself, even if I close my eyes, the black in my eyes would be popping.

Something bubbles up from the bottom of my stomach, shoots up, comes out of my mouth, and once again, just like I said it hurts, Dad, and something happened, I said, “What a beautiful day, Dad.”

When I said, “What a beautiful day, Dad.” That last D again, Dad. It started to hail at the end of April.

60° weather. This wasn’t in the forecast. It hailed for 5 minutes straight. I got so startled because I didn’t even have time to process.

I just said these words that I didn’t even think. They just came up out of nowhere.

I [snorts] stepped back, bounced into my chair. My chair bounced all the way back and I felt completely confused.

But now seeing this new thing, which is the hail bouncing everywhere, I ran back to the window to watch it.

After that finished, I stood back and I said, “Something’s not right here. I feel off.”

I said, “Let me do the other thing I do when I feel off. Uh, eat a bunch of food.”

So, I was like, “I’m going to go make some breakfast.” I just wanted to get out the room.

I open my door and I run to the steps. I’m on the second floor.

You have to go down to get to the kitchen on the first floor. As soon as I put my hand on the banister and put my foot in the air to touch the second steps, I hear stop and I freeze like this.

My foot in the air, I freeze at the top of the steps and the only way I could describe it is say you’re like on an overpass on a highway and you say stop.

You know, no one’s going to hear you. They’re going to laugh. If this voice said stop, everyone would floor their brakes and get out and say yes.

My whole body was at attention and froze. And I heard, what did he say?

He said, “You’re not hungry. Come on back.” And then I heard the words fast or fasting in my head.

I’ve never fasted in my life. I didn’t even know what that word meant. Only when I looked it up later, I was like, you know, I can understand if you don’t have food, but you have food and don’t eat.

That was weird to me. That was weird to me. But kind of like some type of you ever watch Star Wars, the Jedi mind trick stuff where they say something and the person repeats it back slightly different.

I said, you know what? I’m not that hungry. I’m going to just go back and chill.

And I’m walking back now and I’m confused what I just said. Like, wait, what?

And I sit on my chair and everything’s still popping and I’m just looking around and I’m confused why I even came back in my room.

So, I’m like, you know what? I’m going to do, you know, the other thing that I do when um I’m bored.

Uh buy tons of junk on Amazon that I’m going to return later. So, I go on Amazon.

I load up the web page and I was looking at this thing for weeks.

It’s something stupid. I think it was for the computer. I didn’t really care. I returned it anyway.

And I’m looking at it. I’m looking at it and I’m uh switching tabs. Finally, I buy it.

And I’m feeling good about buying it. So, I’m sitting there satisfied with myself, right?

And I’m [snorts] like, “All right, it’s coming tomorrow. This was Saturday. It’s coming Sunday.”

I go to close the page and all of a sudden I hear Bible, Bible, Bible, Bible, Bible, Bible, Bible, Bible, Bible.

And it shocked me so much I said, “Okay, all right. Okay.” Like, I just freaked out when I heard it.

And then I sat there and I said, you know, why don’t I buy a Bible?

The person I just described to you up to this point. Why would he buy a Bible?

What is going on? I type Bible into Amazon and a whole bunch of them come up [snorts] and I say, “Whoa, I didn’t even know there was this many Bible versions.”

So, I type in to Google. I’m doing research and I settle on the ESB version and I buy it.

It’s coming tomorrow as well. Right. I feel this jolt or this tingle hit me.

I’ve never felt before. It from the the back of my spine and it goes throughout my whole body.

And I’m like, what is that? It I felt great after that hit me. I stood up and I actually felt satisfied now more than when I had bought the other thing.

I’m like, okay, I feel good. Buckle up. Here’s where it gets weird again. I stand up.

Remember I told you to make a mental note of that phone that I threw to the side of the bed?

I stand up and I look at my bed. The phone that I had put on the side of my bed is perfectly in the middle of my pillow now.

And I’m staring at it, right? Staring at it for 10 seconds. And I said, “No, I’m not going to do that no more.”

The minute I said that, I got punched in my stomach and I keeled over.

Something grabs me by the shoulders, turns me around and starts whailing on. I get pushed to my bed where my my the back of my legs is facing and I fall over and it cuz I’m in pain and I’m one I’m going what is going on?

I’m completely confused. I’m getting punched in my stomach. It stops and I finally open my eyes.

I landed right next to the phone. Something bubbles up from my stomach again. Comes up and it goes, it says this.

I’m not doing that anymore. I’m waiting for my dad to come pick me up now.

I’m using certain language right now cuz you guys are going to understand later. And I want that, oh feeling to hit you when you guys get to it.

But just bear with me for now and just listen. I said, “I’m not doing that no more.

I’m waiting for my dad to come pick me up.” I started to get punched again.

And this time it’s like consecutive and fast and I can’t take it. My stomach is killing me.

I see no bruises. I see nothing. I’m getting punched. It doesn’t make any sense.

All of a sudden, my back catches on fire and my whole body gets enveloped by fire.

Not literal fire, but like this hot feeling. And these words come out my mouth.

I’m here now. You have nothing to worry about. You’re going to be okay. Don’t worry.

So, I start crying because I’m like getting punched. I’m talking about my dad come to pick me up now.

I’m not doing this no more. What is that? And now someone’s telling me you’re going to be fine.

I’m here now. Don’t worry. I just started crying cuz I said, “Oh no, I’ve obviously lost my mind because I’ve worked in nursing home.

I’ve seen this. I’ve lost my mind. It’s finally happened to me. It finally caught up to me.

And when I can’t take the pain no more, I just turn off. I wake up.

[snorts] I think I fell asleep around 3. It’s around 5 or 5:30. The sun’s going down.

I wake up. Whatever was punching me is gone. That pain I had was gone.

My body feels extremely light. My chest feels extremely light. My heart, I don’t know what’s going on.

I’m sitting there now and this is a very important thing I’m going to bring up later.

So, please listen. It’s going to make sense at the end. I’m telling you, I’m not I’m not getting here to say psychotic stuff.

Please just listen. I’m laying on the bed and something bubbles up in my stomach again for like the fourth time now.

Comes up and it says in a kid voice, hopefully I don’t mess this up, “Dad, you came for me.

I’m so happy. I was so lonely and scared, but you came for me, and the Holy Spirit’s hitting me right now, so I’m doing a good job.”

Dennis said, “I can’t stay out too long because the myasma of sin down here is too thick.

But every now and then, I’ll poke my head up to say hello, but you came for me.

I’m so happy.” And it’s like that feeling just faded away. And I just start I’m sitting there and I’m confused and tears just start coming down my eyes.

And I’m looking out the window now and this light’s coming in. All of a sudden out of nowhere, these three racco I don’t even know why I’m mentioning this.

These three raccoons are on the abandoned building next to me and they come right in front of my window and just plop themselves right there.

And I get up to look at them and I’m staring at them now almost as if someone sent them to me to just calm me down.

And I’m just looking at them the whole day. The whole day I was just like that.

It was like I was just high on happiness. Next day comes. I’m staring at Amazon.

Um I must have hit my F5 key so much I probably broke it. I’m waiting for that package to come.

You know, if the driver could see how many times I hit F5, they lock me up.

Um he’s coming down the block. He finally drops it off and I’m tripping over myself to run downstairs.

Open the door and I grab that other package and I just chuck it and I take the Bible and that’s when I run upstairs and I take it into my room and I’m [clears throat] looking at it now.

I opened it up. I’m looking at it looking at the spine and everything and I’m like this is this is amazing.

This is amazing. What am I talking about? It’s just a book. This is amazing.

I’m looking at it. I’m opening it. I’m feeling Ryan. I’m feeling the the spine of it.

Just I’m enamored with this book for some reason. [snorts] Um I’m not going to mention that.

That’s stupid. I’m an with this book. Um I think to myself, let me open it now and read.

All of a sudden, I go, “No, I’m going to wait till tonight after I eat some food, take a shower, and then I’m going to read.”

I’m treating it like I’m taking out on a date. I wait till the the night, do everything I said, open it up, and it’s like Genesis, let there be light, Adam and Eve.

My whole body is reacting to me opening this book. Like these tingles I can’t explain.

And I’m feeling this jolt every now and then when I’m reading something. I’m pretty sure yall know what it is, but I didn’t know it at the time.

I’m reading it and I close it after a few hours, right? Can’t get enough of it.

Um I tell myself I have to close it because I work. I close it.

Um, I lay down and I put the book on my um, dresser. I closed my eyes.

Now, these last few days when I got delivered and the day before, I slept like a baby.

You guys might not believe this. You don’t have to believe me. For since my mom passed away till that point, I only slept 3 to four hours a day.

There was no peace in me. 4 hours was a good day. I sometimes I would be driving, I’d be so dizzy from not sleeping, I would have to pull over and sleep.

For some reason, these last two days, I slept 8 hours every day. It didn’t make any sense.

So, I’m thinking more of the same is going to happen today. And I close my eyes and then I open them.

I’m like, “Something doesn’t feel right.” I get up, I take the Bible and I put next to me on the bed and I look at it while because I want to look at it while I’m falling asleep.

And then I feel better. I close my eyes, but then I open it again.

I pull the Bible close to me and put on my shoulder just so I can feel it now while I’m sleeping.

I close my eyes. I open it again. I still not right. I’m like, “Okay.”

I take it and I just cradle it and I start falling asleep and I start hearing this music or this sound.

I can’t there’s no words. It’s just like a music. I’m cradling it to me and I feel so at peace.

I get knocked out immediately. I wake up the next day. Um, everything’s fine. I go to work.

I go to work and I don’t know if you’ve worked with some women at Actually, don’t answer that.

The Holy Spirit told me don’t answer that. I almost set you up there. Don’t answer that.

How do I say this then? Women wear certain stuff at the jobs that it’s not that good.

When they walk by. Guys, look. I look. For some reason, I’m at this job now.

I’m smiling for no reason where I have to catch myself and stop smiling cuz I have a reputation to uphold.

So, I stop smiling and I’m like, “What am I doing?” This girl walks by.

She’s of course wearing those things. And I turn my head to look at her and it’s almost like a the back of a hand.

Very strong and firm stops my head and I can’t push past it. It pushes it back and pushes it down almost like it’s telling me to focus on my work.

So if someone walks from the right now again I hit a wall it pushes it back gently pushes it down.

If I walking forward it’ll just push it down. You know you guys get it.

And it doesn’t make any sense. It’s almost like something was standing next to me correcting behaviors I didn’t like.

It’s doing this throughout the whole shift. It’s doing this for the rest of the week.

From that point on, I actually for once after like years could get some rest.

And that’s the end of the deliverance part. So, let me answer some stuff. Um, I was being fought over when I was doing that prayer before I got delivered.

I didn’t realize this until replaying this in my head over and over. And I’m starting to understand why he told me not to write it down cuz I’d missed the finer details if I didn’t uh think of it in my head.

I was being fought over. I don’t know if you caught it. There was the image of a knife.

Death. Then he showed me the image of the Bible life. Then they showed me the image of um my mom passing death again.

Then Jesus said, “No, your mom’s alive.” He showed me uh her in that room.

I was being fought over and I didn’t even realize it till I replayed this over and over in my head.

A second thing, which is here we go. I said I this was the end of April when this happened.

Two weeks ago when I had made an appointment with you Vlad and I was trying to get everything together to practice this and do it.

I just out of curiosity I called my sister and I said I left clues in the story so when you listen to it over you’ll hear you’ll understand.

I said when did mom pass again? And she said, “H, oh yeah, the end of April, April 24th, the same time this all happened for me 10 years later.”

And I didn’t even realize this until I actually replayed in my head and asked her.

So, there’s other questions you probably have, but it’s going to make sense later. So, just hold up.

Let me continue on. So, we’ve gone from backstory to deliverance and now um this part is my brothers.

So, I’m going to give you a quick summary of what was happening to me at this point.

It’s not I’m not the focus of this point right now. But at this point, I had been completely confused.

I don’t know if I told you my anxiety disappeared that I’ve had since I was a kid.

My depression disappeared. That I’ve had since I was a kid. These voices gone. I didn’t realize how clear my head is right now that I’m talking to you.

And back then, this is how it’s supposed to be. And remember, like I said, these things talk as if they are you in your voice.

I never knew it was something else. All three of them gone. I have no explanation for this.

Um, I didn’t want to watch porn anymore. I haven’t watched this since. I don’t drink anymore.

It’s like all these things just dropped off of me out of nowhere and I’m completely confused at this point.

So, I start looking up stuff. I start typing things into Google. I’m like, “What?

I don’t know what happened to me.” It leads me to your channel, funny enough, and I see ND videos, which are very interesting, but it’s not exactly what happened to me.

But then I start to see videos about deliverance and I type in um deliverance and it goes to demons and this I did not know there’s a such thing as like demons dwelling in you.

They don’t teach this in schools, you know, and I’m coming to find out they don’t even teach this in churches.

Some Christians don’t even believe in demons, which is insane to me because if you even read the Bible once, it’s everywhere.

Like he it seemed like he was making a point that they exist. How many times he delivered people?

I never knew any of this. So, I’m at this point I’m just really confused.

All types of questions are thrown coming into my head and I don’t know what’s going on.

But that’s just a quick update of um what was happening to me. Also, I would every now and then hear someone talking to me and I would get hit by this feeling.

Every time I did something good, it had to be sincere, either a thought or an action.

I would get a joke throughout my whole body as if like, you know, good job or something and it’ll make sense later.

That’s that’s about what was happening to me at this point. So, now this is my brother’s I’m reading my Bible one day, right?

I usually like to read it at night when I get off of work. It’s perfect to do to do to right before you fall asleep.

And my brothers uh fall asleep earlier than me. I can hear them sleeping. For some reason, one day when reading it and I I hear that they’re completely sleeping, I close my Bible and I go out into the hallway in the middle of the night and I drop down in front of their doors and I put my head down completely on the floor, palms open, and when I close my eyes, I could see someone with sandals and a robe in front of me.

And I started the that feeling that bubbles up from my stomach came up and I started pleading with him and I said, “Mercy, mercy, please.”

I said, “I humble myself at your feet. Don’t leave them.” I said, “Please save them.

Please, mercy. They’re not evil. They just need guidance. Please, mercy.” And I’m praying and I’m praying.

This goes on for 30 minutes for each room. Episodes both my brothers complete hour 30 minutes each I said mercy I said if you forsake them what will happen to them I said mercy please please and I’m praying and I’m praying and I’m praying I said they have they have no guidance in life and I’m not fit please I don’t know what I’m saying it’s just coming out I said mercy mercy mercy I humble myself at your feet I’ll beg please save them I said don’t just look at them from the Stop.

Calm down. Look at their face. Please. Mercy. I do this every day for 4 weeks.

When I’m sitting and before I almost forgot before I got up off the floor, I would be crying.

I would wipe the tears off my face and make a cross on each one of their door every day as almost as if something was guiding me to do this.

I go in my room and I lay on my bed after like four weeks one day and I’m just staring up at the ceiling, tears on my face and I hear okay and I fall asleep.

That was either Tuesday or Wednesday. So weekend come weekend comes now. I’m reading my Bible at my desk.

I think I was at Samuel at this point. And what happened? I’m reading my Bible and I close it and I’m just looking at it and I’m looking out and I’m feeling great for the first time in my life.

I’m like, I feel fine. I’m okay. And I hear, “Show them to me.” I mean, show me to them.

I’m like, “What?” I grab my Bible. I go to their room and they’re playing video games.

I say, “Hey, what’s up? They’re like, “What? What happened? What’s up?” I don’t usually bother them.

I’m like, “N” and I’m talking with them for a bit. I’m like, “Hey, you guys know about you guys know about Christianity and Jesus?”

They said, they looked at me like me of all people saying this. They’re like, “No, are you okay?”

I said, “I’m good.” What? I was like, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

I said, “I’m just saying.” I’m like, “You know, mom was a real big Christian, right?

And you know, she’d kill me if she knew you guys didn’t know about Jesus.”

Now, you guys know my whole government at this point. I don’t know nothing about Jesus.

What am I talking about? But I’m trying to convince them. I said, “You don’t know Jesus?”

And this and that. And I’m talking to them. So, I remember he said, “Show them the Bible.”

So, I said, You know, I got my Bible here. I know y’all saw me reading it.

Y’all want to You want to touch it? He’s like, “No.” I’m like, “A, dude, just touch the Bible.”

[laughter] He touches the Bible. He grabs it from me. And I think to myself, like, you know, he’s going to fly up in the air and start shooting beams or something.

He He opens it up, he looks at it, he closes it, he’s like, he gives it back to me.

I’m like, “You felt anything?” He’s like, “No.” I said, “Okay, what?” I went to my other brother’s room.

Same routine. You feel anything? No. I said, “Okay.” I go back to my room.

And I pull my Bible down and I’m like, “That didn’t work.” Like, what was that?

Something bubbles up. I get on the floor and I start uh praying and I say, “If there’s anything else you need me to do, please let me know and I will do it.”

And then it goes away and I get up off the floor. So, fast forward now.

We’re all in a car. I’ve been hounding them about the Bible every day till they’re sick of it.

I’m talking about I’m talking about it. Talking about it, talking about it. We’re in a car.

It starts to rain pretty heavy. So, we’re stuck in traffic and I think to myself, I hear in my head and I think to myself, talk to them about me.

So, I start talking about Jesus again. And I say, you know, mom really love Jesus.

She she prayed to him every day. She left everything in his hand and she tried to uh make sure you guys were covered.

She baptized all of you if you didn’t know. And they’re like, “Okay.” I’m talking.

I’m talking and talking and I’m like, “You know what? You guys probably need something to understand.”

I said, “Why don’t I said, “Why don’t we don’t really do nothing. Why don’t on Sunday we sit down and watch a movie?”

And they like, “Ah, come on.” I’m like, “Guys, come on. We don’t we’re not doing anything.

We could watch a movie. I said, “Why don’t we watch like uh uh some type of Christian movie so you guys can understand?”

And they after likeounding them for a little bit, they finally gave up and was like, “Okay.”

Sunday rolls around. For some reason, this presence drops on me and I start going around my whole entire house cleaning.

It doesn’t make any sense. I am moving behind the stove and cleaning behind her.

That’s how much I’m cleaning. I’m cleaning all these things. I’m I’m wiping the windows down.

I’m cleaning the bath. I’m sweeping. I’m doing all this type of stuff. Taking out the garbage.

All these things I don’t usually do. Almost as if someone’s coming to visit like royalty or something.

And Sunday comes and I realize I didn’t even look up what movie I wanted to show them.

So, I’m looking up different ones and I’m wondering, I’m like, which one would be the best?

And I settle on that Mel Gibson Passion of the Christ movie. And I [clears throat] showed them that.

I called them down and they thought I would forgot and they were like whining.

I’m like, “Come on, y’all. I ain’t doing nothing.” They come downstairs. We start watching the movie.

Out of nowhere, this presence drops on me. And while the movie is going on, I’m saying stuff about Jesus that I have no knowledge of.

They’re watching the movie, and I wish you could see it cuz it was hilarious to me every time I remember.

They’re looking at the movie and then when I would talk, they would turn like this and listen to me and I’d be like, “Was this fair?

This is what he was thinking. He’s doing this for you.” Then I they would turn back to the movie, watch it some more, and then I would talk again and they turned back to me again listening to me.

And that went on for like the whole movie. And finally at the end, I said, “That does seem fair to you.

He came to save us. All he did was heal people. He loves us so much.”

And that’s what happened to him. I said, “Does that seem fair?” And you could see on their faces like it really affected them.

They said, “No.” He said, “Okay.” So I asked him, I said, “Do you guys want to buy a Bible?”

They said no. So for the next three days, I had to work on them still.

But after 3 days, they finally gave up and bought a Bible. From that point on, Vlad.

They read it every day. Their attitude has changed. My brother was 250. He’s 210 now.

It’s like he’s done things to them for me that I I can’t even fathom.

They they ask me, “Did I read my Bible today?” Which is insane. Cuz all they do is play video games.

So that’s crazy. I’m so thankful. I’m so thankful beyond words. Here’s three things though that it’s kind of weird.

One of my brothers comes to me one day and he says, “I was can I talk to you?”

I said, “Sure.” He says, “I was reading the Bible one day and I just started crying and I turned to him and I’m like, “Yeah, welcome to the team.”

But I’m like, “Yeah, um, you know, when you read the Bible, uh, your soul hears welcome home every time you open it.”

And he says, “That is extremely cheesy. Please don’t say that again.” But he’s like, I get what you mean.

And I’m like, listen, just say prayers every day, read your Bible, and um uh stay close to me.

You’ll be fine. I almost forgot. Let me add this on. Um [clears throat] after that, they bought the Bible, something said, “Show them how to pray.”

And I would spend two weeks going in their room and teaching them how to pray every day at night till they did it themselves.

So the first week I would model for them. The second week they would do it till they could do it themselves.

So I almost forgot to have that part. Um the second let me go back now.

The second weird thing that happened was one of my brothers came to me and said he had a dream.

He said there was fire. People’s hands were reaching up out of it and they were yelling at God, cursing at him, and he was freaked out the whole day.

I had to calm him down. And I told him, “Just read your Bible. You’ll be fine.”

I said, “Then nothing can get you. As long as you pray, you read, you’ll be fine.”

He, from that point on, he reads like midday sometimes. He was so freaked out from that.

I don’t know what that was. But here’s the last thing. Now, this is the big one.

Hopefully, I don’t mess this up. I got to the part in the Bible of Samuel.

My name is from the Bible, of course. My dad named the uh from it.

And it gets to the part where Samuel is sleeping at night, right? And he hears his name being called and he gets up and he can’t find who it is.

He realizes it’s God. So when he gets called again, he says, “Here I am.”

While [snorts] I’m reading this part, I get thrown into a vision. I used to call them mini movies before I realized the real term was vision, but cuz it played out like a movie, but it was a vision.

And in this vision, it’s me as a little kid. And I hear in this gentle voice, Samuel.

And I say, here I am. It moves on to elementary school. It says that same voice, same tone, Samuel.

And I say, here I am. I’m raising my hand. Each time it gets to middle school now.

Same tone, same voice. Samuel. And at this point, life is beating me down and I’m not doing what I’m supposed to.

And I say here, like in a low voice, I get to high school now.

Same voice, same tone, Samuel. And I just say, here I get to now those years I sat home and did nothing.

Same tone. Samuel. I’m now crouched over with my head in my lap. There’s these black puddles all around me.

It gets to the point now where um my mom passed away. Same voice, same tone.

Samuel, I am completely covering my head now and I’m holding. I don’t want anyone to look at me.

I don’t want to see anyone. I don’t want to hear anything. These puddles have grown into these giant black towers or obelis.

I don’t know what you would call it. These giant blobs. These puddles have shot up in the air and they’re saying the worst things about me.

They’re laughing everything. The last part is um there’s a bubble around me. These things have converged into each other and made a bubble around me blocking me from the outside.

I’m inside sprawled out on the floor completely. I’ve given up on myself completely which would probably be me before he came for me.

I’m completely given up outside that same tone, that same delivery. Samuel inside the bubble.

I can’t hear anything. I’m separated from it now, which I believe I can only hear jumble like garble mess.

You It’s distorted. The vision closes up to my mouth in this uh bubble and it’s completely dry.

You can see no water has touched these lips for like years. Um it’s bleeding.

My hair is all out. Beard is unckempt. Just not looking good. I think to myself, someone help.

And for the first time in probably years, I hear that same line, that same tone, that same delivery, Samuel.

And at that that voice, hearing it again, I throw my hands up. This is all energy I have left.

I throw it up into the air in this bubble. And I’m letting my wrist down because I’m getting tired now.

I didn’t have much energy in the first place. I’m getting tired. And I think I’m about to drop my hand.

It’s shaking. All of a sudden, in this vision, a giant hand burst through the bubble, grabs me by the wrist, and pulls me up out of the bubble into this white light.

And the vision ends. I don’t know what’s going on at this point. I drop my uh Bible.

Tears are coming down my face and I just close my eyes and I go, “What is going on?

I don’t understand.” I’m completely freaked out. That’s the end of my brothers. So [sighs] the next part would be friends.

Now, one of my friends had hit me back up recently and he he he we still had each other added on something and he hit me back up from that some old text message app or something and we had gotten in contact again.

We didn’t really talk that much, but every now and then we get together, play a game, drink, talk, you know, life sucks, job sucks, whatever.

One day I get up and I have to do laundry. I put all my clothes in a bag and I’m taking it downstairs to put in the car to head out.

As soon as I get to the stairs, I hear wait and I turn around.

Now, now during this part of friends, I Let me give you a quick update on where I’m at.

I’ve done so much research looking up so many videos. I watched so many of uh Vlad’s uh vids, wink wink, and that gave me so many uh uh insights into everything.

So many things to look up. I’ve been reading the Bible. I know it must have been Jesus that delivered me because I’ve never been to church.

I’ve never been around a pastor. There’s no way I got delivered just existing. There’s no way.

It had to have been him. I realized these jolts I was feeling every time I did something good was the Holy Spirit.

And I also started uh I watched some vids and people were like, you know, I had this experience and my life has been amazing since then.

And I’m like, you know, lucky you. It sucked for me. During this part, it felt like my body was fighting itself to do things I used to do.

It felt like it would be telling me, you know, just watch porn for a bit.

It’s not that bad. You know, just once every now and then and wean yourself off.

And I’m like, I would hear this other voice go, don’t do that. And thank you, Jesus.

I’ll listen to the other voice. I It would tell me like, you know, drink a little.

It’s not too bad. You know, every now and then she’s a strength and another voice would be like, “Don’t do that.”

And I would listen to the other voice and not do it. I’d be like, “Okay, I’m not doing that.”

On top of my body fighting me, I started to remember uh things every now and then that I’ve done to other people, horrible things.

And it’s like it was convincing me or telling me, you know, you didn’t have to do that.

You could have did something else. You could have did this and this voice there, the Holy Spirit and this other voice were very different.

I could tell which one is which. Um, they have distinct voices. This other voice though would tell me, “Pray it off you.”

It would tell me like, “Pray it or give it to me.” So, anything he would tell me to pray off me, I would pray and I’d feel something lift off me over and over and over at this part of the story.

Um, so that’s where I was at that point. Um, I think that’s it. All right.

So, let me jump back now. So, I hear a voice say, “Wait, I know this voice.”

By this point, I had realized it’s Jesus. It has to be him because the Holy Spirit has a different voice when it’s talking to me.

I come back with my bag and I call him Dad. I said, “Yes, Dad.”

And he said, “Talk to your friend.” So, I go online um and I’m like, “Talk to my friend.

I only talked to like one dude. Does he mean him?” I load up the the the message client and he sent me a message two days ago, right?

It said, “Hey, uh uh dude, you busy? I kind of want to talk. I didn’t even see it.”

So, I put down my bag of clothes and I’m messaging him and I said, “Sorry, I didn’t see this.

What’s up?” And he says, “Yeah, no, I just need someone to talk to. Can you talk real quick?”

I said, “Yeah, sure.” I enter the call and me and him talking for a bit.

And he finally tells me what’s bothering him. He says, “I lost my job.” I said, “How’d you lose your job?”

He said, “You know, they caught me drinking on the job like outside during break.”

I said, “Really, man?” He’s like, “Yeah.” I said, “Dang.” I said, “How long you been there?”

“10 years.” And he I’m like, “Dang.” And it was a good job. And he was feeling really down.

I could hear in his voice that sadness and depression. I know what that feels like.

So I thought to myself, the same way I wanted someone to pick me up my whole life, I’mma pick him up.

So I took off a week to spend with him to try to pick him up.

And I’m like, you know, I’ll help you with your resume. And while we chilling the whole week, I have a week to burn before my uh vacation refills at my job.

I’ll chill with you. Um we’ll get your resume up to up to speed and, you know, you’ll be fine.

The same thing my sister kind of told me when I I lost that job.

You know, it’s just a job. I told him, “You’ll get another one. Don’t worry.

I’m trying to pick him up. We’re chilling. We’re chilling. We’re chilling.” Out of nowhere, he goes, “You know, I feel so bad.

I kind of want to kill myself now. I just told you what happened to me.

This hits me with like a fire.” I said, “No.” I said, “No, you’re not going to kill yourself.”

I said, “You’re not going to do that.” I say, “You’re going to get another job.

You’re going to be fine.” And I start to think to myself, you know, this is a slam dunk moment.

Let me talk about Jesus here. I introduce him to Jesus. I say, “Do you know about Jesus?

I know your family goes to church.” I said, “Why don’t you try to go to church with them?”

Immediately, he gets defensive and starts saying, “That’s not for me.” I said, “Okay.” I said, ‘ Listen, I’m not trying to to shove it down your throat or anything, but I know what he’s done for me, and I’ve been in that place before.

Why don’t you give it a try? He says, “No, it’s not for me, man.”

I said, “All right.” And he was like, “You know, I don’t appreciate you trying to, you know, force me to do.”

I said, “I’m not I’m not forcing you. I’m just trying to I have these text messages from back then.”

I said, “I’m not forcing you to uh to do it.” I said, “I’m just trying to introduce you to what helped me.

And if you don’t want to do it, that’s fine. He goes, “You know what?

[snorts] I’mma talk to you later.” I said, “Okay.” Nothing for the rest of the day.

He hits me up the next day and he’s going off. He’s talking about how his parents gave him a cross that he puts in his car and he don’t want it.

He’s very of the world. I He’s tried He He He tried everything. I’ve told him I was like, “You tried everything.

Drugs, women, everything.” I said, “If nothing’s working for you, why don’t you give Jesus a try?

Just a suggestion.” He’s like, he’s going, “Nah, not for me.” You know, he’s saying it like it’s some type of like, “Well, how I felt, you know, you only do this your life sucks.”

And he gets to a point now, and here, get ready. He says, “You know what?

Jesus can’t fix everything.” He says, “I’m going to tell you something I never told anyone.

I have voices in my head telling me to do bad things.” And I sat back in my chair like this and what?

And I looked up at By this point, I’ve gotten so comfortable talking to him.

I looked up at him and I said, “You did not.” I said, “He’s going.

He’s he has the same thing as me.” The Holy Spirit’s hitting me. I said, “He has the same thing as me.”

So I sat back in my chair. He goes, he it tells me to do horrible stuff to people and kill myself.

And I said, it’s the same thing. Almost like I don’t know if I did it right.

Maybe I messed up, but I just I just threw my heart out and I told him everything that happened to me.

Jesus, what happened? What’s been going on? I’m these this voice that is like fixing my life.

It’s insane. And I told him, most importantly of all, my head is so clear.

Sometimes I feel like I just want to tear up at how clear it is.

Why don’t you? Now I said, why don’t you give it a try? He goes, “No, I’m not that type of person.”

Now, you understand? I just told him like the god of everything exists and he says, “Nah, I’m good.”

You understand? Like spiritually dead. You got to be to say that. But I get it.

I was just like that. So, we’re arguing back and forth all day because now I feel like I’m fighting for my friend’s life because I know the outcome.

What happens when you leave these things inside of you too long? I’m not getting anywhere.

He stops talking to me. I fall asleep. That night I have a dream of a river.

There’s two boats on it. One boat is going in a direction of the sun, the flowers.

There’s like pretty flowers on the bank, trees, everything, birds flying. Another boat is going into these whirlpools and these ripples and everything.

And it’s just going down and the dream just ends. I wake up the next day.

Now, at this point, I wasn’t interpreting these things cuz I didn’t know what was happening to me.

I just thought like, man, I’m really like tired. I wake up the next day and he talks to me one more time.

I see the message pop up and he goes, “You know, you got me real angry the last few days.”

And I said, “I got you angry by telling you about Jesus.” He’s like, “Yeah, you know, I don’t really like that stuff.”

I said, “It’s not really something to like or not. It’s the truth.” I’m talking to him.

I’m talking to him. I’m talking to him. He goes, “I’ve been talking to my friend.”

Um, one of my other friends that I talked to in high school, he went to college.

He’s like, “I’ve been talking to him and he’s angry cuz he’s talking about, you know, you don’t like when people shove this down your throat.”

I said, “You go back and look on all my text messages. You I you show him my text messages and you show me where I’ve been shoving this down your throat.

He says, “You know what? We’re all in a call. You could come over here and talk if you want.”

Now, if I was the me from high school, I would have shrunk away. I don’t have anxiety or depression anymore.

So, I said, “Okay, no problem. I’ll come.” I was about to join the call.

I said, “Wait, hold up.” I got on my knees and I said, “Father, not because of me, but if this interaction can bring them closer to you, please use me to reach them.”

Got back up, joined the call, and they just started going in. My friend who’s in college was just like, you know, next time just talk to him.

I said, I’ve been talking to him. I said, I’m not the type of friend where if my friend tells me something’s wrong with him, right?

I’m just going to sit there and just talk to him and send him on his way.

I’m going to tell him something that helped me because I want him to feel better.

That’s the type of friend I am. I want him to actually get over it, not just talk him into doing all types of stuff he’s already doing that hasn’t helped.

And they’re going in on me. And I said, “You know what? I’m not getting anywhere with this.”

So I I I I go to my friend now who’s uh who went to college and I said, ‘You know what?

What is your hangup with Christianity? Right. What is your hangup with Christianity? What’s bothering you?

Why you’re why you guys are jumping down my throat about this? Cuz as far as I’m concerned, I’m just trying to help.

He says, “Well, you know, I went to church every day when I was young.”

I said, “Okay.” He’s he’s not a Christian anymore. He he said himself he’s he’s very secular.

He’s of the world now. I said okay. He said I I just read it and it was just dumb to me.

I said okay. What part of it was dumb? Cuz I’m thinking maybe I can help.

He says um the part about God knowing everything. That means nothing matters. And I sat back in my chair and I said, “Are you for real?”

I said, “You know, you have free will, right?” He said, “Yeah, but he knows everything, so it doesn’t matter what I do anyway.”

And I thought to myself, I said, “This dude went to college, and how many people like this walk around today and this is their mindset?

Like, just do anything cuz it doesn’t matter. God knows already.” So, I try to correct it.

I’m like, “You have free will. He knows every choice you can make, but you still make the choices out of those choices.

And I’m explaining to him and he just will not budge. He’s like, “Nope, he knows everything.

Nothing matters.” Vlad, almost as if Jesus is now, cuz I had asked him, almost as if he’s taking this personally.

I start getting this thing in my head of all these lines shooting everywhere, almost like he’s teaching me how free will and timeline works in real time.

And I get dizzy cuz let me tell you what he was showing me is not easy.

The the lines were so many. They were curving and spinning everywhere. If he’s actually in charge of that, that’s insane.

I call it timelines. Now he’s telling me there are certain things that have to happen for your salvation, but in between that, your free will is fully respected.

So I repeat that to them. I said, “There’s certain things that have to happen for your salvation, but your free will is fully respected between those lines.

You still decide what happens between those lines.” They won’t hear anything. So I start to draw them what I saw in my head.

And I could probably grab it uh if you want. I’m starting to draw what I saw in my head.

And when I’m explaining free will, repentance, and what how everything interacts with each other, they all shut up cuz they’ve never heard me speak like this.

They’re not used to me speaking like this. And he said, “I’ve never seen someone talk about it like that.”

I said, “Yeah.” Then he goes, “You know what? I still don’t know.” He still knows everything.

I So I give up on that. I’m like, “Okay.” I move on to the next thing.

He says, I said, “What’s what’s something else that bothers you because you just it seems I’m telling you the answer, but you just don’t seem to want to believe me.”

He says, “The tree in Genesis, Adam and Eve.” He says he read it and he was like, “Evil exists because a tree that’s so dumb.”

This is a guy that went to college. So all of a sudden, I know he must have took this personally because they were laughing about it.

They were like, “Yeah, you know, the tree is really dumb.” They were all laughing in the call at it.

This presence dropped on me. And this is important. It said, “The tree should have stood as a testament to a father’s love for their child and a child’s love for their father.”

That although they may not understand in the moment, they value and put weight to their father’s words.

Then it said, “Adam, I love you. I’ve given you animals. I’ve um given you everything.

I’ve even given you a wife. I’ve showed my heart on full display. But because of your disobedience, you’ve allowed evil to form a wall that has driven us apart.

And the consequences of that such as death and suffering have been felt till today.

So yes, evil exists because of disobedience, because of a tree. And then his presence jumped off me.

All of them shut up in the call like they got scolded. I shut up in the call because I felt like I got scolding and that came out my mouth.

[snorts] We’re all sitting in the call now and we’re like, “What the freak?” I could hear them whispering, “I’ve never heard him talk like that.

What What is he talking about?” My friend from college goes, “I’ve never heard it spoke like that at churches.”

And I’m thinking in my head, “Me neither. Where I don’t know where I got this from.”

Um, then I say, “Yeah, you know, that’s the problem with these churches.” Um, they’re not teaching the right thing.

I’ve never been to church, but I’m just saying it to play it off. I’m like, “Yeah, they’re teaching the wrong things.”

Yeah, man. And [snorts] they all get confused. And if only they knew who they were speaking to, cuz it wasn’t me.

Then I said, “They’re they’re quiet at this point.” My other friend, my original friend, kicks up and he’s like, “Well, you know what?

My grandma uh died and I had prayed one time for her not to and he still took her.

I said, “How old was your grandma?” Um he said about 80. I’m like I said 80.

I said okay cool dude. I said I remember your grandma though. She was a Christian right?

He said yeah. And I said dude she couldn’t really walk. She just sat in bed all day.

And I said, you know, she did what you believe. She did what she was supposed to, right?

And he was like, yeah. And I said, what did you pray for? And he said, I prayed that she would live.

And I thought, you know, this is like my my Kobe moment. I said, okay, you prayed for her to live.

She’s living forever in heaven. If you do what you’re supposed to do one day, you’ll be able to see her again.

Tell her all the things you experienced, and it won’t be under the weight of sin down here no more.

Right. They proceed to call me an [ __ ] They proceed to jump down my throat.

How dare you say that? You know, now there’s something about anger. I feel like it does lower your connection to him.

Because I started to get angry cuz I I realized at this point this is not from me.

I am not even that far in the Bible. Where’s this come from? I start to get angry and I say, “Hello.”

And then I started to say, “Listen, next time when you’re arguing, if you’re not arguing to have your opinion changed, you’re just arguing to try to trip me up to justify why you do certain things, don’t even bother calling me next time.

Don’t even bother inviting me to the call.” Right? So, I hear something go apathy because of evil.

And I say to them, I said, “You guys are apathetic because you’ve seen a little bit of evil in life.”

And I said, “This mindset doesn’t even make sense when I think about it.” And I’m guilty of it, too.

You see some evil and instead of standing against it, you become apathetic and add on to it.

And that’s what um I told him. And they all just shut up. And I said, “Listen, Jesus loves you.

He died for your sins. Please don’t wait too long. I end the call. I haven’t talked to them since.

And I immediately got on my knees and I said, “I’m sorry for getting angry.

I hope I didn’t mess something up you were trying to do.” I didn’t hear any response.

I said, “Please forgive me.” And I said, “I’ll pray every day. I pray every day for them.”

I said, “I’ll pray every day that they could come to know you like I did.

Okay, that’s the end of friends. And I realized to myself, I said, I think I put too much stock in friendship.

And not that it’s bad, but I put too much of my energy into it.

I feel like I was chasing it too much. And now I feel fine. I feel at peace in my heart.

I I don’t even understand why I was chasing it so hard. And I finally admitted to myself maybe I was doing too much.

And it was almost like Jesus was saying these are the people you surrounded yourself with every day and you say my name once and look how they treat you.

So I haven’t talked to them since. Now here’s a very important part. I don’t know if this matches up scripturally, and I was actually contemplating on leaving a few things out, but I figure I’m just going to say it because it could be important.

I go to sleep and I don’t know how long it took. I immediately am somewhere else.

I open my eyes and I’m on all fours, hands and knees. I’m looking at the ground and there’s this mist on the ground and not only mist, it looks like it’s alive.

By the way, it’s moving. It’s wiggling. It’s in the air. It’s on the floor.

It’s everywhere. When I’m looking at this for maybe a good minute, I lift my feet my eyes up and I see in front of me two feet.

The skin on his feet did not look like any skin color I’ve ever seen.

It looked like bronze, copper. And I remember saying to myself, “It looks like the color of a penny.”

And I’m lifting up my eyes and I see this giant being on a throne, his hands both at the armrest.

And I’m looking up and where his face is, there’s this cloud covering it. The cloud did not look like the mist.

It was covering his face and I was completely confused. I didn’t know where I was.

After staring at him for a few seconds, I turn to my left, which would be this being’s right.

Sound familiar? I see someone standing over there. It’s a It’s a man. Beard here down to his shoulders, robe, sandals, and he’s holding a rod, staff, stick, I don’t know, in one hand.

I look at him for literally no more than two seconds and I go, “Jesus.”

And I said, “Jesus.” And I felt like my heart wanted to jump out and run to him.

And he’s just looking at me with a kind of sad face. Then I feel something almost like it’s pulling me look back over here.

Okay, here we go. I turn back and I’m looking forward at this being in front of me.

A piece of the cloud that is covering his eye starts to open up. I see a eye socket.

He doesn’t have a eye. It was all white like it’s energy and every now and then you would see like energy like almost whip or wick or flip out of it like at different intervals and I’m staring at this and I’m completely confused what I’m looking at here.

The cloud doesn’t stop though. It opens up just very slightly to where I can see his cheek.

It’s wet like he’s crying or tearing up. But when he cries, it’s like a river coming down.

When I saw this, without even thinking, I threw my head down and I started to say, “I won’t do it anymore.

I won’t uh say mean things anymore. I won’t glorify the enemy anymore. I won’t do all these horrible things.

I won’t look at my sisters in this way. I won’t talk bad to other people.

I’m listing off all these horrible things I’ve done. And this feeling comes over me as if my skin, my bones, my cells wanted to the glue that holds them together wanted to dissipate and ex just run.

Um, just run. Now, let me go into this feeling. It didn’t feel like he was telling me, this being in front of me was telling me to die.

It felt like my body and my cells were talking to each other and they went in agreement.

This is a person you do not bring to this point. You do not upset this person to this level.

We have utterly failed in everything. We would like to die. That’s what it felt like.

It felt like my own body was judging me and telling me not to to telling me to die.

Nothing from him. I felt it was nothing from his part. After me pleading about for five minutes and not getting anywhere, I turn to Jesus and Jesus now has two hands on this staff and he’s looking at me and I start pleading with him and I said, “Please tell him to stop.”

In this kid voice, I said, “Please tell him to stop. Please, I’m begging. Please, I can’t take it.

I can’t take him crying anymore. Please, I’m telling Jesus this.” My eyes zoom into Jesus’s face.

On his cheek, he’s crying. The same way this be, let me stop calling him this being.

It’s the father. Y’all know it’s the father. The same way the father is crying, Jesus is crying.

Almost like they’re synchronized. And when I see this and I freeze, I just throw my head down cuz I’m like, I’m not getting anywhere.

And I’m like, I’ll just accept whatever is going to happen next. Right when I feel like I’m done, like I’m going to explode.

The cl something says, “Look back over here again.” I stare back up. You still see that same white eye with tears coming down.

The cloud that’s over his face now closes up and I go and this black comes down on me and I’m back to sleep now.

I woke up the next day and I started [clears throat] crying and I said I thought it was because I got angry.

Maybe I messed something up. But I’ll tell you my interpretation and I changed it later with the rest of the stuff that he would tell me.

Telling you the story is going to get even more crazy as I go on.

Um I thought I had done something wrong. And I woke up. When I woke up, I said, “Why would you show me that?

What did I do?” And I started crying cuz I couldn’t understand. And it was for a reason.

And I understand now. But in the moment, I thought I had done something wrong.

What I what I had uh interpreted later was he was looking at my life and I had brought him to such tears with the stuff I had done.

That’s why he showed me that. Later I would change it because I would re I would realize what it why he really showed me that.

So that’s the end of the friend’s part. So the next part I’m going to move on to is supervisor.

I have to probably let me give you a quick rundown on my mind at this point.

This will be the last time I give you a rundown because it it stays the same after this.

Jesus started to show himself to me at this point of the story. Beard, hair down to his shoulders, robe.

He has He’s Jewish. Sorry for all the people that thought he was white or black.

He has a strong nose, rugged hands, and a big chest. Um, when he’s talking to you, if he looks at you, it’s like this weight is on you.

And I have to look down sometimes cuz I can’t take it. And sometimes I have to fight like almost like I’m about to cry for I don’t even know why.

When he talks to you though, he gives you 100% of his attention. Like let’s say you’re talking to him, there’s a compartment that says Vlad on it.

When you talk to him, he gives you Vlad, all of it, and he stares at you.

It’s very, it’s a very strong stare when he’s talking to you. Um, he would show himself at different parts, mostly just to talk to me.

And every now and then he would show himself at a desk. This is going to be very important later.

This is one of the things he’s warning people about later. And so, just keep keep this in mind when I’m saying it.

He would show himself at a desk writing on these papers, shuffling papers, collecting papers, writing on it, right?

And we would talk about different stuff, you know? I’d be at work. He’d be like, “You look pretty bored.”

And I’d be like, “Yeah, I don’t I don’t know why I wake up and do this stuff.”

And he would lean over and go, “Me neither. I don’t know why you guys do this stuff every day.

One thing which made me laugh. Um, what was it? Um, when I talked to him, this is going to sound weird.

It’s not like I was meeting him for the first time. It felt like I was remembering him, if that makes sense.

When I talked to him, there was no, you know, like when you meet someone new, there’s like a warm-up period to feel them out.

Like, like when we talked, there was none with that. When I talked to him, it was as if I knew him.

He said he would show himself and be like, “Hey, it’s him.” And I’d be like, “Hey, Dad.”

Like, it didn’t even feel weird. So that’s where I was at that point. I was starting to see him.

Um, this part of the story is supervisor. This has to do with my job.

One uh supervisor there that I had a hard time with. Um, I have to give you a backstory on the situation so it makes sense.

There was one time where I was working. I went to the bathroom and then I walked over.

This shift was done in like 10 minutes. There was nothing going on. I walk over to my brothers.

We all work at the same place. And I say, “Hey, you guys almost finished cuz I’m about to leave or you want me to wait or go to the car, etc.”

They go, “Yeah, we’re almost done. So, we’ll all leave together.” I said, “All right, cool.”

I’m walking back to my station now and there’s a supervisor where she has a very big ego and she talks to people in not the best ways.

Now, back then, this was before I got saved, guys. So, I was really bad with the way I talked to people and interacted with people cuz I was so angry all the time.

She catches me and she goes, “Sam, what are you doing?” I said, “Um, I’m heading [clears throat] back to my station.

I’m not doing anything.” She goes, “Listen, I can’t have you walking around. If you keep this up, you know, I’m going to have to discipline you or something like that.”

I said, “What?” I said, “Oh, I said 10.” I said, “Walking around, no one’s doing anything.

It’s like 10 minutes before the shift’s done.” And she just starts going off on me.

She’s following me back to my station. I’m actually being uh nice compared to what I usually do cuz I just want to leave.

If it’s a Friday, 10 minutes for the shift’s done. I don’t want to bother with this today.

She’s going off on me. She’s going off on me. Finally, that anger that pops up every now and then that I can’t control comes over me and I turn around and I just go off on her.

She gets me in trouble with the manager. I get a uh written out for it.

I get in trouble. From that point on, me and her would fight constantly, and I would make sure at a point to make sure every time I was on shift with her, uh, to make her feel bad.

So, at this point of the story, he’s Jesus is showing himself every now and then.

He’s telling me certain things, uh, convicting me, and, um, I’m praying these things off of me.

So, I’m just happy. I’m reading my Bible, chilling, and Jesus is just working at a desk.

I don’t how do I explain this? When he would show himself, he would show himself to me like out like he’d be sitting right next standing right next to me or he would be like almost in my mind in like the corner just doing something.

And it wasn’t disorienting when it happened. It almost feels like we always could do this and it was fine.

But he’s working in the corner of my head at this desk as usual, shuffling papers, writing things on it.

Uh keep a mental note of what he’s doing. And I’m happy. I’m getting convicted.

And I’m like, you know, what do you want me to do next? Because the things you’re doing are amazing and I feel amazing.

What do you want me to do next? And that situation that with that supervisor flashes in my head.

So, I’m over there dancing as soon as I see the situation flash. I said, “No.”

And he starts smiling and he goes, “Sam.” I said, “No.” I said, “Anyone else?”

I said, “Listen, I’ve said so many bad things to people. Why her?” I said, and then I just tried to change the subject.

I was like, “Pick someone else. I’ll do someone else. I’ll get back to her.”

And he’s just writing while smiling. And he’s like, “Sam.” And I’m like, “Oh [laughter] my god, no, please.”

I said, “Anyone else, Dad? I’ve I’ve done so many horrible things. Why?” I said, “I don’t understand.”

I said, “Anyone else?” I said, “You know what? I’ll do it later, but if you do someone else right now, I’ll get back to it.

I’m trying to outplay him. That’s not going to work.” He says, “Sam, apologize to your sister.”

And I throw myself back in my chair and I’m like, “Oh my gosh.” So, I go to work the next day.

I’m fighting him all day about this. Um, I see her off. She’s not usually my manager, but every now and then she’ll cover, so I’ll see her.

I see her off in the distance. Um, I’ll get home and he’ll be he’ll be sitting there on on his desk like this, looking at me and going, “What happened?”

And I said, “She’s off over there.” I it’d be awkward if I just walked up to her while she’s talking to someone.

I couldn’t do it then. I’m making excuses cuz I don’t want to do it.

And I’m fighting him. I’m fighting. I’m fighting him. And um Friday rolls around. This is like a full week of fighting.

And as soon as I wake up in the morning, he goes, “Sam,” I said, “I’m going to do it.

I’m going to do it.” I’m fighting him the whole week. I go to work.

I don’t see her. So, I think I’m in the clear. Jesus is working at his desk again.

He’s writing stuff. He’s shuffling papers, putting them over here, reaching out, grabbing more, writing.

I’m telling you, it’s going to be amazing when you realize what he was doing.

So, just make a mental note of this. He’s shuffling papers. He’s putting it over there.

He’s writing. He’s writing. Right. And he’s just looking at me every now and then.

And then he turns back around and continues. So, I’m thinking I outplayed him because I don’t I haven’t seen her all day.

So, I’m scot-free. The weekend’s tomorrow. We’re talking We’re talk uh about something. I forgot.

And all of a sudden, she pops up out of nowhere and she goes, “What are you doing?”

And [clears throat] I jumped because she scared me cuz I was talking to him.

I didn’t even realize she snuck up on me. And I said, “I’m not doing anything.

What are you talking about?” She was like, “Uh, we had complaints. You’re going slow.”

So, I looked around. I’m like, “I’m the only one at this station. Complaints from who?”

She’s like, “We had complaints. Um, you’re going slow. If you keep it up, you’re going to get in trouble.”

So, I started laughing. I said, “Okay.” I started to get that anger again. But then all for this is really weird for me.

You guys might not understand. I got that anger and then it dropped. And I said, “You know what?

All right. All right. I’ll pick up the pace.” And she looks completely confused when I said that.

I said, “Yeah, I’ll pick up the pace.” And she’s like, “Yeah, yeah, you do that.”

Like she’s expecting me to go off like I usually do. She walks away like she wants something.

And I sit there and I’m like, [snorts] as soon as I hear her next door, I said, “Dad, I said, did you see that?

That’s what I’m talking about. You want me to apologize to that? I said, ‘D did you see that?

And he’s writing and he starts chuckling to himself and he’s like, I saw everything.

Relax. He said, and I love her just as much as I love you. It felt like if you’re playing chess, like he checkmated me.

Like I can’t tell him like, “No, you don’t. It’s God. It doesn’t make sense.”

So I was I threw my hands up and I said, “Are you for real?”

And I just screamed out, “Oh my gosh, I’m still fighting him though. Monday rolls around, I don’t see her.

I’m fighting him. Tuesday rolls around, I don’t see her. I’m fighting him. Wednesday comes now.

I have a dream.” He shows me the scene of me and her fighting, which led to all of this.

But instead, I’m looking at it from like a third party. And it’s frozen in place.

And right when I realized like what’s happening here, it’s like it starts playing. I didn’t realize when I yelled at her, she kind of went like this, like she was scared.

I didn’t I didn’t pay attention to stuff like this back then. And she looked like she was about to cry.

I didn’t realize these points. This is how it looks from him when we have these situations.

This is why he’s telling me to apologize to her. So, I’m watching it now.

It plays out the same way and it ends. He’s trying to show me this is how it looks to me.

Why is my one of my children fighting the other? And I wake up and I go I hear him go, “Sam.”

And I said, “All right, all right. All right, I’ll do it. Okay. I said, but I don’t understand.

I’m still fighting him. I said, I don’t understand. You’re going to have to let me, you know, he just showed me, but I’m like, you’re going to have to let me see what you see or how you feel.

I should have never said that. I’m starting to understand when God says, “Don’t test him.”

That’s for your benefit, not for his, cuz he’ll match it and it’s not going to be fun for you.

So, I go to the job. Wednesday, I don’t see her. I go Thursday, I don’t see her.

Friday, I’m thinking I’m in the clear again. I’ve outplayed him. Me and God are playing chess and I’m out playing him somehow.

It’s Friday. I’m not. I haven’t seen her all week. I barely saw her last week.

I’m thinking I’m in the clear. I go into the job. Sign in and I go into the job.

I sign in and my usual supervisor is not there and I’m confused. I’m like, “What’s going on?”

I standing there for 15 minutes now, past the start time. All of a sudden, I see someone walking up from the left coming to the uh the station where they give the briefing before the shift starts.

It’s her and I’m so confused. She walks up and as soon as she walks by me, she gives me a side eye like she’s about to make my whole shift suck.

And I look up in the sky and I said, “What did you do?” Apparently, my supervisor got a random flat tire and she had to take his place.

And he’s [clears throat] sitting there writing and he’s just like just smiling. And I said, “What did you do?”

I said, “And then I thought to I was like, “How is he doing this?”

It made me realize I’m putting his power in a box. And we all probably do that.

She signs in. She gives a briefing. She puts me at some random station she knows I hate.

And I’m like, I’m walking over to the station. While I’m walking over to the station, he stops writing and he looks at me and he goes, “What happened?”

And I start laughing. I said, “There’s people there. I can’t do it while she’s there.

I’m still trying to fight him. There’s people there. I can’t I can’t do it while I’m there.

Right. I go to the station. I don’t see her all shift. He’s not talking to me now.

I’m talking to him, but he’s not talking to me. He’s just sitting there smiling.

So, I’m like, “Dad, next week I got you. I’m thinking I’m in the clear.

Next week I’ll do it. I’ll do it, Dad.” And I’m sitting there smiling like, you know, I just won the Olympics.

All of a sudden, I see someone walking from this direction no one walks from.

Why would you come from this direction to to get where she she had to go?

You just go to this other way. But she’s coming from this weird direction no one comes from.

And she’s coming up to my station. And I’m looking at her cuz it was like an hour before the shift was done.

So I’m thinking I won. She walks by me and goes by and he’s not even looking at me.

He just goes, “Sam.” And I’m my heart is beating. I’m just staring at her.

I’m like, “How? She’s not even She was in charge of two stations that day.

She’s not even supposed to be here. Why would she come this direction? This doesn’t make sense.”

I said, “If she comes by again, I’ll do it.” I was just shocked that she came from that direction.

He doesn’t say anything. She’s talking to someone and almost as if like she’s talking almost as if she hears something from the other direction.

She goes, comes back and walks by me again and I’m going at this point my heart is beating.

I’m like, “How are you doing this?” Like I’m freaking out. She walks by again and I’m staring at her and I’m like, “Why would you even go this direction?

This doesn’t make sense.” She goes to someone else over there, talks to them, and I hear Sam.

And I said, “One more time. If you do this one more time, I’ll do it.

If No, I said if if she comes by again one more time, I’ll do it.”

I refuse to give up. She walks by again, a third time for no reason, and my heart starts beating cuz I know what’s coming.

Now, here’s where it’s going to kick up. These things are watching you constantly. They see me fighting him for two weeks.

This is their in now. I start to hear my voice, but distorted. If this had happened before I got saved, I would have fell for it.

I have the Holy Spirit now. I’m not falling for it again. I hear my voice distorted and it starts saying, “Hey, listen.”

Cuz they see me fighting him. So now I’m giving them an inn. Why am I fighting him so much?

They say, “Hey, listen. Every time you try to be nice, it backfires. It, you know, it gets thrown in your face.

And if you try to be nice to her, that’s going to make problems for you later.

People are going to start to mess with you again, right? Just finish your shift.

Go home. Don’t do anything. Just finish your shift. It’s the weekend. Go enjoy your weekend.

Stop causing problems for yourself. Jesus in my head is like this. And he looks in that direction from where that voice came.

As if he’s looking at something like then he turns back to me and he goes, “Sam, I can do this all day.

You made me a promise. Now do what you promised me.” This lightning strike or something hits my heart.

Everything starts to go in slow motion and I realize this is a choice. Am I going to listen to my dad even though I don’t understand in the moment like he said about the the tree with my friends or am I going to listen to this voice that I don’t know where they came from?

Am I going to listen to the snake just like Adam and Eve in the garden?

I’m sitting there and I’m panicking now because I’m like I have to make a choice.

I’m panicking. I’m panicking. I’m like, I don’t want to, you know, mess up my reputation.

I don’t want to have the problems in it. I don’t want have to go through all these people messing with me again.

And I’m almost about not to do it. And she walks by and she’s almost past me.

And I think to myself, but I love my dad more than me being uncomfortable.

And I scream out, “Supervisor.” And she gets frightened and jumps and turns around and goes, “Yes.”

I said, “Listen.” And I’m like getting ready. I said, “Do you remember that time me and you got into it?

Because I know that’s why she messes with me all the time.” And she immediately starts getting defensive and goes, “Oh, no.

I don’t really.” I said, “Okay, hold up. Wait, hold up. I know. I understand.

Just hear me out. I’m sorry I yelled at you. When I said that, the look on her face, I’ll never forget it.

She just started staring at me like a deer in the headlights. Cuz if you knew if you knew me, that’s not something I that’s not something I do.

She’s staring at me like deer in the headlights. She even asked me, she said, “Are you okay?”

I said, “I’m fine. Just hear me out.” Listen, I’m sorry I yelled at you.

It’s not right. And you’re just doing your job. I shouldn’t have done that. Jesus a like floats out of nowhere in a ball of light, right?

Then he he appears and he’s standing there. He’s like, for me, he’s like 661.

I could [clears throat] be off. He’s standing there with his hands on his hips and he’s looking at me and he goes, “Go on.

I didn’t raise you like that.” And I’m like, “You didn’t raise me like that?

What are you talking about?” And I looked at him and I saw his face was serious.

And I was like, “Uh, I wasn’t raised like that. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done this.”

Like a like a parent was like scolding their kid for like yelling at someone at school.

I said, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” Um I wasn’t raised like that and it wasn’t right.

And she’s at a loss for words because I’m the last person to do this.

And she goes, “Oh, uh yeah, no, okay. Uh the job it’s it it it affects us all in some way.”

So you you know I said yeah okay. She goes all right but you know let’s just do what we have to do and get out of here.

But before she walks away she goes thank you. And she leaves. Now I wasn’t looking at Jesus.

I was looking at her. I was going to leave this part out, but I’m going to say it.

When I looked at her, this feeling came over me. This baseline love for her, which I couldn’t explain.

Now, before you guys jump off to the con uh conclusions, cuz I know how you guys mind work.

Like, relax. I’m going to explain. Jesus had left. Let me finish up this and then I’ll get into the explanation.

Um, he went back to showing me in in my head that whatever voice that was that was trying to pretend to be me was gone.

I’m sitting there now and when she leaves my heart is beating like I’m about to keel over cuz I’ve never apologized to anyone.

And it made me realize that’s probably one of the reasons why he wanted me to apologize.

I don’t know how to apologize to people. I never It’s like I lost how to do that.

I I’ve never done that. That’s why he wanted me to do it. Why am I fighting him?

Um I said, “Dad, did you see that?” I’m actually like proud of myself. I’m like, “Did you see that?”

I apologize to someone. I I never do that. And I started laughing. And he said, “Yeah, I saw.”

And he clapped his hands and he said like he was happy. And I said, “Listen, anything else like that you need me to do, let me know.

Probably should have just n said, but [laughter] here we go again. So, remember I said there’s there was this feeling that I I was looking at her face when she said thank you.

I realized I never looked at her because I just despised her up until that point.

And I saw her eyes, her nose, her hair, her lips, her skin, everything. And I felt this baseline love for her.

Please control your minds. It’s not like that. So, let me get into it now.

For the next two weeks, he would tell me, “She’s going to talk to you today.

Mention me.” I would be at a completely different part of the factory where she shouldn’t even be around.

She somehow uh shows up that day. He tells me she’s going to come. She walks up to me and I look up and I start laughing.

I say, “Okay.” He told me when I saw her that day to mention him.

So I talk about Jesus and I’m like um you know when I’m talking to her I’m like Jesus loves you just a simple and I’m like you know like a take care the third week.

Now this is the important one. This was during summer or so a little or a little bit after it was pretty hot.

She usually wears hoodies. Today she wasn’t wearing one. I looked at her and she had this bump on her stomach.

She’s pretty skinny, so you couldn’t tell with the hoodie on. She was pregnant. She’s been pregnant.

The argument I had with her happened right before I got saved. So, I would say about uh the end of March.

So, she told me while talking to her the the third time he told me to pray for her.

So, I used that opportunity. I said, “Can I pray for you and your kid?”

I know it sounds weird, but if you’ll hum if you’ll uh humor me. So, I prayed for her.

And then she told me, you know, it’s due in a few weeks. She was just talking to me, I guess.

I said, “Okay.” And then she walked away and she said, “Thank you.” I looked I thought back in my head.

I think she said it was doing a few weeks and I said around the time when I yelled at her like really let her out of it.

She was pregnant. So you’re starting to understand now why he wanted me to apologize.

I was flinging all types of evil stuff at her. I was I wished her to die.

She was annoying back then. And that was the type of person I was back then.

She had a kid with her. Now, suppose the things I’m doing led to something happening to her.

That would be two heads on me. This kid’s not even out his mom yet, and I’m already wishing death on him.

Now, you get why he wanted to he was telling me so much to apologize to her.

So, then I start to think to myself, why was I fighting him so much?

Starting to make sense. So, this feeling now, let me get into this. After all this was done, I didn’t really see her too much in anymore, but this feeling, every time she would appear in my peripheral vision, it’s almost like my head would magnetize towards her and I’d follow her and I started to think, “This has to be something with him cuz this feels like it’s guiding me to do this.”

I said, “Dad, what is this?” I said, “I I prayed and I mentioned you.

What did I do now?” He’s not showing himself to me. He’s not saying anything.

Two weeks go by of this happening every day. And I said, “What what do what do you want me to do?”

I I’m thinking, he doesn’t do nothing for no reason, so this has to be a reason.

It’s something I’m not getting. And remember way back, I said, “Show me how you feel because I don’t understand why you want me to apologize.

This feeling I come to realize is not me. It’s his feelings for her. This baseline love that only goes up.

It doesn’t decrease. I’m looking at her now and one day I say, “Is this how you feel about her?”

And finally the Holy Spirit hits me as if I had just got it like ding ding ding.

And I said, “Okay.” And then I thought about it for a minute. I said, Is this how we will feel about each other when we’re up there?

And then immediately the feeling turned off. That’s the end of the supervisor part. One thing at the end that happened um afterwards was I was praying one day and I had gotten so good at praying.

Um I prayed for all types of stuff. I was trying all types of ways to pray.

Right. And I was saying a prayer. The prayer was coming out like song. It’s like this presence hit me.

And I was saying the prayer like it’s a song. And I’m dancing while saying it like this.

Like dancing left and right while saying the prayer. Jesus is working at a desk, writing, shuffling papers, putting one over here, putting one over there, shuffling papers, writing.

And when he hears the prayer, he goes, “Oh.” And starts dancing along with me while we’re praying.

So, we’re both dancing to this and I hear in the corner of my room, let me see if I could do this as best as possible cuz it wasn’t even this groan or growl.

It goes [clears throat] at the sight of watching both of us do this and I didn’t pay any attention.

I’m still praying cuz the presence is on me. Jesus is writing like this. He turns around to look at it, turns back around to his desk and goes, “Wait, [laughter] this is like he’s laughing at it because all he could do was growl.”

When it’s done, I stand up with my eyes closed and I say, “Night, Dad.”

And he drops his pen in his paper and he turns around to me directly to give me full attention.

He goes, “Good night, Sam.” And I go to bed. That’s to end the [music] supervisor part.

>> Hey, so sorry to interrupt. Before we get back to the episode, I just want to invite you to join our free private [music] community at godsvoicefamily.com where we have daily prayer calls and I lead one of those prayer calls early in the morning Monday through Friday.

So join us if you can. We also have real community and people sharing their testimonies and supernatural [music] encounters.

Join us at godsvoicefamily.com. And now let’s get back to the episode. >> I finished supervisor.

Um, this would be my sister now. I hadn’t talked to my sister like in 5 years really.

And one day she shows up. Now, the last thing she had given me was a car.

Remember I told you when my mom passed away, my credit uh my identity got stolen.

My credit’s been shot, so I can’t take out a car myself. So, she gives me a old car and takes out one for herself.

She comes one day out of the blue, and these are going to be pretty short, but if you can’t tell, he’s going one by one by one in my life and fixing things.

My sister shows up out of the blue and she goes, “You know, I need the car back.

Um, you guys don’t even check on me. You guys don’t even need me, but I need my car back and you guys take out your own.

And it’s a whole big argument. And I think to myself, I’m like, what? What is wrong with her?

Why is she doing this? And I hear Jesus go, it’s because of all the things she did.

She took care of you guys for so many years. She took care of her mom and you guys didn’t even check up on her.

You just left her. She feels abandoned. And then I he said, “You know what you have to do?

Apologize to her.” And I looked at her and even though every bone was fighting me, I just said, “I have to listen to him more than I listen to myself cuz he does know what’s best for me.

I’ve seen it firsthand.” So I just said, “Listen, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. We should have checked that on.

And she starts crying and she’s like, “You guys didn’t even know if I was dead or alive or anything.”

And she was like, “You know what? Did I do to you?” And it’s true.

We should have checked on her. Me and her makeup. We talk every day now.

And she puts me on her insurance cuz she’s like it could help uh lower the money just for a bit to help you guys out because we work together.

It insane to me it lowered it by like $200 so we all pay less and we all split it save money.

Now if I hadn’t listened to him I’d be paying that single insurance by myself instead of splitting it and saving money.

It’s it’s very short. It’s just showing you he brought my sister back to me and fixed that relationship that I didn’t have anymore.

Now, let me move on to my father. Where do I start with this? My sister calls me one day and she says, “Uh, you know, your uncle died.”

And I’m not going to lie, I like that uh I like um that uncle.

He was very nice to me. He always told me, you know, you’re a very smart kid and you know, you should go to college for something like this and that and you’ll be fine.

And I really liked him. He brought me stuff a lot. He died and that was my dad’s brother, of course.

So my dad was really down because his sister had passed away, his other two brothers had passed away, and now his last living family member is gone.

So it’s just him now. And my sister said he’s feeling down because his brother died.

And I told him you would talk to him. I’m like, “Oh.” So I said, “Okay.”

My this random number calls me. I pick up. It’s him. He’s like, “Hey, son.

How you doing?” I’m like, “Oh, I’m good, Dad.” He’s like, “Oh, you guys didn’t want to check on me?

Like, are you guys even alive? Are you okay?” I’m like, “We’re good. You know, we’re fine.

How are you doing?” He says, I could hear that that same voice like when my friend was down.

I I know sadness. It’s I’ve had it my whole life. Well, I did. Thank you, Jesus.

And I hear that same sadness in his voice that I know. And he’s like, “Oh, you know, all my family gone now.

It’s just me, you know, just feeling pretty down.” And I’m thinking to myself, “Lord, forgive me.”

I was just like, I didn’t really care. I still have resentment. All of a sudden, Jesus says, “Do you remember when you were down?

When you wanted someone to pick you up, would you inflict that kind of pain and people kicked you down?

Would you inflict that kind of pain on someone else now?” And said, “No.” And he said, “You know what you have to do.”

I said, “Okay.” I said, “Listen, Dad. He may not be here now, but where he is, he was Christian.

We can’t even fathom it.” And I said, “You should take this as maybe like, you know, a lesson.

Everyone’s time is going to be due down here sooner or later. So, just make sure you’re you’re right with God before that happens, right?

And you’ll get to see him again.” Simple. And you could hear his voice lift up at that.

But he’s shocked because like I said, I don’t I don’t know if I’ve done a good job of conveying it.

I’m the last person that I should be saying these type of stuff, showing that he really does like rear around the car for his most knucklehead kids.

But he looks at me and he go, “No, well, he looks at me. He goes, “I’ve never heard you talk like that before.”

And I said, “Yeah.” And he said, “You believe in uh God?” [snorts] I said, “Yeah.”

Like, “If only you knew.” I said, “Yeah.” And he goes, “That’s good.” He said, “I never heard you talk like that.”

And um [clears throat] you know, that’s good. And he said, “I’m going to tell you something I never tell anyone.

I’ve been praying for you every single day. I’m like, what? He’s like, I get on my knees every day when I before I go to work, he was retired at this point, but back then before I go to work, uh, back then I would pray for you and before I go to sleep, I would pray for you.

I pray for all of you. I’m like, him, pray, right? So, I said, okay.

And something just told me, tell him. So, I told him about I didn’t tell him everything, but I told him about how I called out to God.

And then the next day I woke up, it hailed when I said, “What a beautiful day, Dad.”

Almost like heaven was celebrating. And he was so shocked from this. He was like, “What?”

I said, “Yeah.” And he [clears throat] said, “That’s good.” And then he said, “God is good.”

And he was just happy. Then he said, “Is there anything wrong with your car or anything for no for out of nowhere?”

I said, “No.” And what I come to realize is he was trying to get me to come down here cuz he wanted to see us.

He said, “You know, uh, if you guys are not busy, you know, I’m retired now.

You could come see me. I’m not doing nothing every day. You know, it’d be nice to see you guys.

I’m still like, you know, blowing them off. I’m like, “No, we’re fine. The car’s fine.

You know, we’ll we’ll try to make it one day, but not yet.” He’s like, “All right.”

But you know, take care of yourself. And I’m happy and I’m I’m glad. And I’m like, yeah.

He hangs up. And the Holy Spirit hits me like, “Good job.” The next week comes around, the same exact day.

I think it was a Thursday, he called. Thursday again. You know what a coincidence?

The check engine light comes on my car and I’m looking at it and I’m like what said by this point I’m already used to these things he’s doing I’m like dad like come on I’m like all right so I call my dad up I got to differentiate earthly dad and heavenly dad I call my earthly dad up that sounds dumb and I’m like something’s wrong with my car and he’s like really he’s like yeah he’s like you know I have a mechanic down here.

Bring it down here and he’ll uh do it for cheap. He knows me. They’ve known each other for like 20 years.

Um you know, he’ll do it for you. I said, “Okay.” So, I uh took my time, took it down there.

Apparently, my muffler just got punctured out of nowhere, even though I don’t really go outside the house that much, which is insane to me.

The guy cut it in half and then my dad paid for half of that half, so I didn’t pay anything.

Dad spent the whole day taking us out to eat. Uh hugging my brothers, me and them, talking to us, uh uh uh showing us his church, everything.

And by the time it was done, and he talks to me from this day forward, right?

He he he messages me every day. I have like 500 notifications on my phone.

It’s insane. And I got home one day. I got home after this and I sat home and I’m like the person that I resented doesn’t even exist anymore.

The way he talks, everything he does, where am I even pouring this hate into anymore?

It’s not going anywhere. I don’t know what to do. And I looked up in the ceiling and I said, “I don’t know what to do.”

And I heard Jesus say, “Let it go. Pray to me. Let me take it from you.”

So I did that for a good week, fasting, everything. And I finally I felt that hate just I haven’t felt it till till today.

Just gone. Never felt it again. So here comes the big part. Now, you might be thinking to yourself, this story sounds absolutely bananas.

Like, do we believe him? The stuff he’s saying is very strong. And I would tell you, good question, cuz I believe that too.

At this point, I’m even even up to this point, even on me talking to him and I’m hearing these voices and I’m seeing him, I thought to myself, I probably need to be medicated.

But no, I’m like I I’m not sure if this is still real. I’m still doubting, right?

And it seems like he knows this. So I’m like, I’m still not sure if this is real.

Buckle up. My sister calls me one day. I missed the first call. I call her back.

She goes, “Oh, you didn’t hear me calling you?” I’m like, “Yeah, I called you back.

What happened?” Like she sounded frantic, like something was wrong. She says, “I’m at I’m at work right now.

Give me one minute. Like she wanted to go to a location where she could talk.

She was like, “All right, you listening? Am I on speaker?” I’m like, “No, no, no.

You’re good. Go on.” She goes, “Listen. Dad had a dream. Here we go. In this dream, listen up.

He’s in this beautiful field. Off to the side is his father who died when he was young.

Out of nowhere, I walk up to his father and pick him up in the air with both my hands and put him down.

Then I go behind him and he said he knew in his head for some reason, grandfather, which would be my great-grandfather.

I’d pick up him as well in the air. And put him down. And there’s a line of men going all the way into the field till he he can’t even see it where it ends.

And he’s just watching me one by one. Pick him up. Put him down. Pick him up.

Put him down. And I’m just keep going and going and going. Then he hears talking on the other side and he turns over here and he said he said it’s like it zoomed forward to where he could hear them.

He didn’t hear anything else, but he heard, “Isn’t that too much for him?” It was a man and a woman.

Isn’t that too much for him? When he looked at the woman, he said something hidden.

And then after a few seconds, he said, “My mom’s name.” It was her. She was young, slim.

She had on a robe, and she was talking to someone next to her. And the Holy Spirit hit me right now.

Y’all know who the other person is. He turns to my mom and says, “No, you can handle it.”

And the dream ends. My dad wakes up freaking out cuz he’s never had a dream like this.

So my doubt to cure my doubt. He’s now sent you. You might be thinking cuz I’m telling you everything from my perspective.

Maybe what what I would rationalize it was was maybe he did deliver me, but maybe the rest I’m imagining, right?

Maybe I’m just imagining of all. But what would stop me from thinking completely that it wasn’t him was what I’ll call the cornerstone of my faith.

I don’t have anxiety anymore. I’m not a nervous wreck anymore. I don’t have depression anymore.

I feel like getting out and doing everything. I don’t have these voices in my head.

No porn, no alcohol, and so on and so forth. Why? I can’t ration this away.

When you when you when she told me that, let’s snap back now. She told me this.

My heart is racing cuz now I’ve I’ve realized now it’s not just me. It’s going to people outside of me are seeing things about me and it’s coming back to me almost like he’s trying to say you’re not going to rational me away like pretend like I don’t exist like everything everyone else down here.

Um, my sister says, “Do you know what this means?” I said, “No.” I could have probably figured it out if I thought of it, but I was so shook by what she told me, I couldn’t even think straight.

So, she goes, “Okay, well, I just wanted to let you know.” Cuz he was pretty freaked out about it.

Since then, he sends me like Jesus messages every day, which is I got to tell him to stop.

But it she hangs up and I sit in my room now. I’m like this and I’m just freaked out.

I’m like, what? I don’t know what that means. When I said I don’t know what that means, I hear, you know, a voice, Jesus.

He goes, you’re uplifting your bloodline, what the men in your family couldn’t do for generations.

I I’d jump up off my chair and I said, “What?” I said, “What do you mean by that, Dad?”

I said, “Wait, I thought you were just helping me to get better or something.”

And now the doubt in my heart is completely left, too. I said, “I don’t know what that means.”

I said, “That sounds big.” I said, “What do you mean by that? Would you?”

And then it started to hit me like in the Bible and even on your channel, he doesn’t hang around people like this unless he needs them to do something this long.

Usually, he’ll do something, guide [snorts] them on the path, and move on and let their free will take place.

You know, with me, he’s kind of just sticking around. He doesn’t do nothing for no reason.

Something’s happening here. From this point of the story, I I I was thinking about it.

I said, “What do you mean by that? This sounds like a lot.” And I sat down and I started to think about it.

I was like, “He doesn’t do nothing for it. He doesn’t do uh things for nothing.”

I said, “Do you want me to tell people this?” He says, “Yes.” And I said, “Oh, here comes, you know, old Sam.”

I said, “Dad, I’m not the best speaker. I And people know me.” Like, the minute I start talking about God, they’re going to be like, “Yeah, right.

That guy. Why me? I do. You want me to tell someone else?” And they say it, you know?

I’m starting to know how Moses felt. Like, I’m like, I don’t I’m panicking. I’m like, I don’t want to do it.

It’s too much. And he says two words. He says, “Sam, please.” Whatever feeling I was feling just dropped off me.

And I said, “No, no, no.” I said, “Hold up. Please, please don’t ever say please to me again.”

I said, “You never have to tell me please. If you want me to do something, I will do it.

Period.” I said, “Please don’t do that again cuz that hurt my soul.” I said, “All right, I’ll do it.”

And he said, “Thank you.” And here I am. So now it’s you guys. From that moment forward, I had to go back and remember all these things he’s done for me.

And from that point forward into the future, I had to make mental notes and remember everything he’s telling me.

I’m guessing to relate to you guys. And I’m guarantee you when I get further and further, everything’s going to start to fall on.

It’s the way he does things. I realize he’s a very multiaceted individual. The way he does things, it’s for different multiple reasons, not just one thing.

And as I get further in the story, you’re going to start to see the puzzle pieces connect with everything.

And it’s going to be like, dude, he’s a joy to be around. Anyway, wait till he has me.

>> It’s interesting. It’s We’re almost nearing four hours. It’s like four hours of gold.

This is going to be a record-breaking episode. I’ve I’ve never interviewed anyone over three [laughter] three hours, but it’s like four hours of nuggets.

>> This is only the main testimony. I have a bunch of stuff I have to tell you guys.

The the I would say I’m only telling you the main testimony now because I need you to understand later when he starts talking about stuff.

The stuff later I have Vlad, I almost was not going to even say because of how out there it is.

He was telling me things. >> Well, Sam, I’m gonna we’re gonna have to do a part two.

Uh for sure. Let’s What are you doing tomorrow? >> Nothing. >> Let’s do Let’s do a part two tomorrow.

But let’s let’s jump around with kind of with the first part. First of all, such a great communicator.

It’s shocking to hear that you uh you almost talked to someone. >> I could barely speak before.

Can you imagine >> that is to me you I’ haven’t heard an um I haven’t heard an ah you you were so clear and so well prepared.

I’ve never had anyone on the show to have my attention for that this long.

We had to take two bathroom breaks back and forth and I was just I’m running out to to go run to the bathroom and tell my wife >> my wife >> like next time next time we do this I’m going have to take like three water bottles.

>> I [clears throat] was telling my wife I’m like, “Man, the conversation I’m having right now is is gold.

I got to go. I got to run quick.” She’s like, “Who are you talking to?”

>> It’s probably I’m like Vlad’s probably like, “All right, this guy’s like rolling on.

I’m trying to like speed it up a little so I don’t take too much.

>> No, no, no. And that’s why I think let’s have an I I man I want more of this because everything you described you describe what people are going through and you’re verbalizing in such a way >> I feel like it’s probably did this.

>> Yeah. >> People are taking I’m telling you you’re you’re describing a lot of people’s lives right now.

They’re just not everybody’s bold to share it. Your obedience, your boldness, you stepping out, saying these things.

I know. I know it’s not an accident. It’s interesting, Sam. I didn’t tell you this part until now.

I had a one o’clock 100 pm appointment. I was going to interview somebody else at 1:00 p.m.

And this morning, I just was it late last night? I think I just had this I read through the test.

I was like, “Cancel it. You got to cancel it.” I was like, “I don’t understand why I’m cancelled, but I’m canceling.”

And which opened up opened up this 1:00 for you to have nearing 4hour conversation.

Uh >> nothing’s coincidence, dude. >> And I wrote down that right here. Evangelist Sam, that’s what I wrote down.

[laughter] >> There’s a lot of high praise you giving me there. No, but um it’s it’s not it’s what the whole time I was listening to you, you know, the show is God’s voice today, God’s voice daily cuz through these testimonies you hear you almost hear God’s voice speaking through you and >> right >> the whole time the moment you start speaking I was like almost felt something in the spirit said now buckle up like you got to be you got to listen you really got to listen and there’s this peace was radiating from you man I I I saw Jesus in you man it was it was and I’m sure people watching listening right now >> uh in the comments below, man.

I’m telling you, people are sensing the same kind of thing. Uh, and man, anyway, so I have I have somebody coming up here at the in in an hour or so, but I would love to um to have a part two and to go like the So, anything before we get to part two and I have so many questions.

My gosh, I have like three pages of questions we’ll jump around and I’m tempting to ask them now, but I think it’s probably going to be better.

I’m going to save them in a document somewhere so we can jump around. But how about this?

Sam, >> take some time, close the loops. Anything else you want to say before we have a part two?

>> Any loops? Everything’s pretty self-contained. There’s a few questions I want to spoil cuz I want you to go through that oh moment like me when you get to the later parts.

But if you guys think now is pretty crazy what I’ve been experienced for 7 months I’ve been having over and over these things and by the end of this main testimony part you’re going to be like whoa when I get to the second part though and these are warnings and things he’s trying to tell people down here and what really happened to me during during this story.

He I literally would see like why he did certain things at certain parts of the story cuz he wants me to relay it to people.

I’m really I’m really hoping I have enough courage to not mess it up and say it properly cuz it seemed important and it seemed like a warning for what’s I hopefully you know what a tease Sam and and I’m as you’re saying this I’m tempted.

I’m thinking should I just publish this one as is part one or should I should I just combine them both together as we record tomorrow and just combine both together release them this weekend make it like I don’t know eight hour like a record-breaking episode.

Uh, but I think this is one of these episodes where people will be going back to rewinding cuz I during the whole conversation I asked myself, >> how do I feel about what I’m hearing?

And man, the only thing I just thought to myself is like, man, I am going to drop to my knees at night near my kids like next to their rooms and I’m going to plead mercy over them just like Sam did.

Like everything you’ve shared, I’m like, oh my goodness. Just wanted to to weep because it’s so godridden all over it.

Like you just sense it like this this was very special. I’ll never forget this conversation.

>> I didn’t even catch some stuff until I’ve been practicing this for 2 months cuz I figured it’s too important for me to mess up.

There’s certain stuff I didn’t even realize. And I understand why he told me, “Don’t write this down.

Say it from the head.” Because if I write it down, like I said, I’m going to miss finer details.

When I say it in my head, I actually put myself in the situation and remember things.

>> There’s I would say when people listen to this, listen to it over. You might catch stuff even I didn’t catch.

>> Absolutely. Well, and I think there’s a book in the making if not a movie.

I think that you should at some point should sit down and try to write all everything on a piece of paper because I think as you start writing even more juice will be coming out.

And uh this was probably going to take you months to do, but I think it’ll be worth it to have a book with that as well in the future because there’s so many nuggets, so many takeaways.

I mean, my goodness, to go from where you were to where you are now, what a miracle.

Ultimately, I just want to glorify him. I don’t want any fame. I want any notoriety.

I rather just you guys don’t even look at me. Don’t even research anything about me.

Focus on him. Because from what I’m going to tell you over the course of this, a lot of stuff down here is not important.

Focus on him. That’s all I’m going to say. Man, you can’t leave like that.

I want to dig deeper. But um well, I’ll tell you what, Sam. We’ll continue this tomorrow.

I I have a couple interviews lined up tomorrow, but I’ll shift things, rearrange things, and we’ll keep this conversation going.

If not tomorrow, we’ll figure something out. But Sam, thank you so much. Part one has been amazing.

Part two is going to be even even better. So, I’m looking forward to it.

Thank you so much. I have a ton of questions, but I’ll save them for for part two.

Maybe there’ll be a part three and maybe we’ll even go live and do like a live Q&A session with everyone as well.

So, everyone watching and listening as you watch part one. I’m not sure if I’m going to combine them together or not, but if you’re watching part one, I want you to go ahead leave comments below any questions that you want me to ask Sam.

And who knows, this could be an an ongoing part two, three, and four. Maybe this will be after all these episodes, you can just have somebody transcribe them and uh have a book.

>> You know what’s insane? I actually cut out a lot to shorten it cuz I realized, oh man, this is going to go on way too long.

Like I’m trying I thought I actually thought I would get through this part in two hours.

So, wow. I kind of >> I love it. This is a record-breaking episode. But I’m looking at my time and we did take a few breaks here and there to to run to the L to the bathroom, but it says 3 hours and 48 minutes that it has been recording and I don’t think I’ve ever recorded an episode over nearing four four hours of gold.

Sam, we’ll stay in touch. Thank you so much. I’ll let you uh rest up and uh man, we’ll reconnect either tomorrow or the day after.

I will I’ll definitely um reach out. But thank you so much. This was awesome.

Hey, thanks for watching. This was part one of Sam’s story. Part two and three are currently still in the edit.

However, if you don’t want to wait and you’d like to read the transcript from the upcoming parts, you can download them right now at godsvoiceday.com/sam.

And if you’re watching this in the future and the next part is already live.

You should see it popping up on the screen right now. If you don’t see it, check the description below.

Either way, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for watching and I’ll see you [music] in the next